brighteyedcat - "Delicate Balance" - Alex/Olivia - Olivia/OFC - PG-15 - Chap 27 - 44 (Complete)

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~Delicate Balance~

by brighteyedcat

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Chap.1-26   Chap.27-44 (complete)

Ch. 27

Spoiler: Season 2, Consent (some material used from the actual show – no profit, just fun).

The next morning, Alex was due at the Grand Jury regarding a young sorority woman that had been drugged and then allegedly raped by another student. She wasn't very confident about the charges against the suspect, but never once let on because Olivia pressured her to pursue the case. Because she was trying to get on her good side, she had flipped through her rolodex of legal ethics and theories to come up with something that would hopefully stick and lead to an indictment.

Alex and Olivia sat together on a hard and uncomfortable wooden bench, waiting for the Grand Jury to render their decision. They were both completely insecure sitting next to one another. Alex was a little hung over from the night before, but noticed that Olivia was more nervous and fidgety than usual, changing which legs to cross over the other, biting at her lip, checking the time on her watch a thousand times, and folding then re-folding her long coat on the bench beside her. It was as if they were both still on the subway car together, both slightly embarrassed from witnessing something so supremely personal about the detective that Olivia had tried so dreadfully to keep private. She needs to just relax, Alex thought.

"Olivia," Alex finally said to pierce the silence. "I'm not going to tell anyone."

"Let's not talk about it, okay?" Olivia said defensively, glaring at her with furrowed brows.

"Okay." Alex said, backing off and agreeing to Olivia's request. The silence became deafening between them again. She couldn't take it. "I just…I don't want you to think that I'm judging you or anything."

Thanks, Alex. I feel better now having your highness' approval. Olivia sighed, fumbled again with her coat, and looked at her watch to see that only 45 seconds had passed since the last time she'd checked the time. "What is taking them so long?" She asked impatiently about the Grand Jury's decision.

"Don't read too much into it." Alex said, taking the hint to drop the subject. "They have a lot of evidence and testimony to go over."

A man came out of the Grand Jury room and handed Alex a tri-folded piece of paper that had the decision on it. It wasn't good news. She handed the paper to Olivia, who read it, then dropped the paper to her lap, defeated. This just wasn't going to be her day.

*****

About a week later, Olivia left Anya's apartment early in the morning to go running in Central Park. It was a luxury that she didn't have nearby at her own apartment and she took advantage of it every time she spent the night with Anya. She was bundled up a little, protecting herself from the coming winter chill.

"Olivia!" A familiar voice called out to her. She turned around, knowing it wasn't Anya at this early bird hour. It was Alex wearing worn sneakers, blue running pants, a gray t-shirt and a similarly colored blue jacket. She looked kind of cute dressed so causally it was definitely a different look from her always perfect, always pristine suits and skirts that Olivia was used to seeing her in. Her hair was even in a tiny ponytail rather than twisted halfway up or flat ironed perfectly straight. When she approached the detective, she was out of breath. "You don't take many breaks, do you?" She said in between heaving breaths.

Olivia smiled, not even close to being worn out. "I don't get the chance to take a break when I'm chasing a perp, so why should I allow myself to break now?"

Alex put her hand over her heart, still trying to catch her breath. "Well, I need a break." She started walking to a nearby bench to sit down. "I saw you running waaaaay back there," she said pointing to the far distance, "and I've been trying to catch up with you ever since." Alex fell onto the bench and pulled her gloves tighter around her fingers.

It's not that cold out here, Olivia thought, noticing Alex's gloves.

"Slow down for a minute for my sake." She said patting the empty space on the bench next to her.

Olivia sat down next to Alex, putting her hands into her pockets. Okay, so maybe it's a little chilly, she admitted to herself.

"I didn't know you lived around here." Alex continued to talk out of nervousness, but she didn't want to put her off so she started with general small talk.

"I don't." Olivia answered. "I live in Chelsea."

"You come all the way up here just to run? I know there are other nice parks down where you live." Alex pointed out.

Olivia laughed, nodding behind herself. "Anya lives over on Amsterdam."

Alex opened her lips, mouthing 'oh' but not actually saying it. "So you two must be pretty serious then?" She asked, curious. She thought again about her question when Olivia didn't immediately answer her, and attempted to retract it. "I'm sorry. It's none of my business."

"No, it's okay, Alex." Olivia interrupted, but still didn't answer the question. "I've been meaning to apologize to you."

Alex scrunched her eyebrows, baffled. "For what?"

"Uh…for a lot of things, I guess." Olivia sighed, rubbing her hands against the tops of her thighs. "For starters, I haven't been the nicest person since you started representing our cases." She really didn't want to go into details about what she was apologizing for and hoped that Alex would just accept what she had given her as enough. She had gotten into such a familiar pattern of unspoken but understood conversations with Elliot that she was now more comfortable with that method of communication than actually talking.

"It's okay, Olivia." Alex said, knowing that the detective was never forthcoming and was uncomfortable about doing so.

"I'd like to make it up to you in some way, if I can." Olivia said, searching for an appropriate way to follow through with this suggestion.

"That's not necessary. Really. We're different people. I'm sure we'll figure out how to work well together as time passes." Alex said, although she was hoping that Olivia would ask her out for a few drinks or something.

"Would you be my date for dinner anyway?" Oops, that came out wrong. Olivia cringed at her words. I hope she didn't read that as me asking her on a date-date.

Alex smiled back at Olivia and nodded. "Okay, how about this Friday after work?"

Friday…Friday… Olivia thought, scanning her brain. Do I have plans with Elliot or the guys? Probably not and Anya is going out of town again, so Friday is okay. "Yeah, I think Friday would be fine." Olivia answered. "Just come by the precinct after you're finished at work."

"Sounds good." Alex said with a smile. "I have to get home before I go in this morning." She stood from the bench, but turned around to face Olivia to say goodbye. "It was nice chatting with you, Liv. Have a nice Monday."

*****

Ch. 28

Olivia's skin was on fire as Anya dragged her long nails alongside her ribcage down to her thighs. She loved having Anya on top of her, her light and delicate weight pressing against her, her green eyes burning into her own, and her long strawberry curls falling over her shoulders and onto Olivia's face, gently flowing back and forth with every pulse of Anya's body driving against her own. She had been awake for fifteen minutes and only managed to get a bra and panties on when Anya sabotaged her attempts to dress for work by attacking her from behind and pressing her forward and onto the bed. Ordinarily, Olivia would not have been so spontaneous when she needed to get to work, but Anya was leaving for London today, where she was to be a guest performer with the Royal Ballet and would be gone for at least a month. Olivia wanted to savor every touch and every taste of the woman, knowing it would be all too long until she'd see Anya again.

Anya tore off Olivia's panties and tossed them to the floor before slipping her fingers between Olivia's legs and anticipated being inside of her detective. Olivia was warm and wet, and she moaned with every stroke of Anya's fingers against her clit. Anya lifted her hips and pushed her hand against the other woman and dipped two of her fingers into her, slowly forcing her way in and out while keeping her fingers curled up slightly to tease the inner, soft flesh.

Olivia lurched her head forward, seizing Anya's lips and brought her face back down, kissing her feverously, opening her mouth wide and thrusting her tongue into Anya's mouth. Anya sucked back on Olivia's tongue before pushing her own through Olivia's lips while pulsing her fingers inside of Olivia. She quickened her fingers, making circular patterns within her and Olivia released Anya's lips, her breath short and shallow, her eyes gazing up into Anya's, waiting and hungry. Olivia wrapped one hand around Anya's back, holding her, and pulled her down until Anya's head lay beside her own, breathing into Olivia's ear, and her naked body laying atop of Olivia's.

Olivia opened her knees wider and her thighs tensed. The hand that wasn't clasped around Anya found its way between her own legs and she held Anya's fingers inside, pushing them deeper. Olivia moaned and called for Anya, begging her to continue as she felt herself overcome with the rapture of Anya's sex. Anya pushed in further and harder into Olivia, following through with Olivia's requests and she felt the woman's hips buckle against her hand as she listened to her voice cry for her in short spurts of sheer pleasure until Olivia silenced herself and her breathing, gripping onto Anya's back and hand, her head arching back. Anya kissed and bit upon Olivia's neck until she heard the brunette let out a final elongated cry of ecstasy and felt the woman's hands relax and drop away from contact.

Anya rolled off of Olivia, propped herself up on her elbows, and looked over to Olivia. "Good morning." She said with a smirk, lowering her lips to kiss the lightly panting woman.

Olivia looked at her with a gratified smile and closed her heavy brown eyes, letting out a sigh. Good morning. Anya tenderly touched her cheek before rising from the sheets and walking towards the bathroom, picking up a set of clothes she'd laid out to wear earlier that morning.

Olivia sighed again, rolled over, and clutched the corner of the top sheet, pulling it over herself. She chuckled quietly to herself and laid in bed for a moment before getting up to start re-dressing for work. Olivia had her pants, her gun holster, and a bra on when the phone rang in Anya's apartment. Anya was still in the bathroom, gathering her things to finish packing for England. Olivia never answered the phone for her, always letting the answering machine pick it up so that Anya was the only person responsible for her own calls and messages. The machine was across the room from the bed, but within earshot so she heard the digital click when the message started.

"I hope you haven't left for the airport yet, Anya." The female voice on the message had a thick English accent. "I've moved recently and wanted to give you my new address so you can come over straight away. My number hasn't changed so call when you get in." Her voice lowered, "You know it doesn't matter how late it is." Olivia stopped buttoning her shirt and turned around to listen to the message closer. The woman spoke with a seductive trill, "It's been far too long, my love. We have so much to catch up on." She chuckled subtlety before hanging up, ending the message.

Olivia's mood quickly dropped from cloud nine to the ninth level of hell. She finished buttoning her shirt quickly, pulled her small duffle bag out from beside the nightstand and started to collect her things. She never kept very much at Anya's place anyway, most of it was dispensable, but she did grab her night clothes, shoes, and other small items and shoved them into her bag. As she was doing so, Anya came out of the bathroom and asked Olivia who had called.

"I don't know." Olivia said, trying to hide her anger. She just wanted to get out without confrontation. "She didn't say. Why don't you listen to the message yourself?" She knew her anger wasn't going to be able to be held back for much longer, especially if she heard the message again.

Anya walked to the machine and replayed the message. Hearing it again enraged Olivia more just as she had expected it to do. The woman's voice and its affectionate cooing confirmed her suspicions that she'd developed recently. When the message ended, Anya didn't even react. Not to the message or to Olivia standing in the bedroom, glaring at her. But rather, she went back to her dresser and sat in front of it to finish applying her make up and prepare to leave. Olivia was furious at her indifference and strode over to her, dropping her bag fiercely beside her feet. Anya turned around and looked down at the packed bag then up into the mirror to catch Olivia's eyes staring at her in the reflection. She smirked at Olivia as if she was daring her.

"Who the hell was that?" Olivia snapped.

Anya laughed, amused at Olivia's uncharacteristic possessiveness. "She's just a close friend, Olivia."

"A close friend? What do you take me for? You've clearly set up plans to meet with her the second you get to London and it didn't sound platonic to me!"

"So what if it isn't? What's it to you?" Anya asked, defensively, putting down her powder and applying a dark brown eyeliner.

"Oh, I don't know, Anya. I kind of thought that since we had been seeing each other for months that we were…well…." Olivia's voice trailed off. She still couldn't say it. She maintained her distance and stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame.

"Well, what, Olivia?" She chuckled to herself, set down the eyeliner and pulled out the deep, burgundy colored lipstick that Olivia loved. After finishing with the lipstick, Anya turned around to face her, "Besides, I thought this was what you wanted, Olivia."

Olivia was paralyzed. She couldn't answer because she thought the no commitment thing was what she wanted, but now that she knew she couldn't solely have Anya to herself, she started to wonder if maybe she did want Anya to be with only her. "What I wanted was an honest relationship." She finally said.

"You can never claim that I wasn't honest with you. You knew what this was all about. I'm not the one who has changed. You are." She read the detective's crushed expression, centering at the crease between her eyebrows. Anya laughed caustically at Olivia. "Oh, Olivia. I had no idea you were such a hopeless romantic." She turned back to the mirror and took out her mascara. "You American girls are so obsessed with love and romance and monogamy. It's just not realistic."

"So what you're telling me is that I should have known somehow that you were going to cheat on me eventually?" Olivia crossed her arms. Anya rolled her eyes and shook her head, choosing not to go there, but Olivia caught her intentions and it infuriated her; her eyes burning into Anya's reflection in the mirror. "So you have?" Olivia shifted her weight, crossing her arms again. She was angry, but wasn't entirely sure if she was more angry with Anya or with herself for allowing herself to be taken advantage of in such a situation.

"Are you to stand there and tell me that you've been entirely faithful to me?" She stopped and looked at the detective in the mirror.

"Yes!" Olivia cried, her hands exasperatedly raising to the sky.

"You're not being very honest with yourself then." Anya put her make up away. It irritated Olivia that Anya refused to cease her activity and give Olivia her full attention.

"I haven't slept with or even kissed anyone but you since we met!" Olivia felt foolish saying it, having a sick feeling that Anya would not be able to confess the same loyalty to her.

"Perhaps this is true for now Olivia, but you will. I saw how you looked at that attorney friend of yours on the subway."

"Alex?" Olivia asked bewildered, but wondering if what Anya said was true.

"Yes, Alex." Anya confirmed. She stood up and approached Olivia in the doorway, hovering over her. "But if you don't mind, I would like to forewarn you about her." Olivia cocked her head to one side and glared up at Anya, afraid of what was to come out of her mouth. "She's a politician, Olivia. She will crush your heart for the sake of her career without even a second thought. So if love and commitment is what you want, you will not get it from her either." Anya stepped away from the detective and tucked her make up bag into her suitcase. "But, if you just want to fuck her, then I think you have a much more realistic possibility with that. She's quite a catch. Not my type, unfortunately," she shrugged, "but very much yours." She said with a sly smirk.

Olivia couldn't believe what she was hearing. She rubbed her eyebrows with the tips of her fingers, then dragged her hands down her face, tugging at the skin. The woman who she thought was her girlfriend was breaking up with her, and in the same breath was encouraging her to sleep with a co-worker. And not just any co-worker: Alex. "You never answered my question, Anya."

"What question?" She feigned ignorance.

"The one about you sleeping with someone else. Have you?"

"You work all the time, and I've been traveling a lot lately. What do you think?"

Olivia sighed, beaten. "Natalya?" Olivia had to know after the woman's callous behavior on the night they had gone to her father's restaurant.

Anya smirked, "No. What happened between Natalya and I is quite frankly none of your business anymore, but that business has long since passed." Anya put on her coat and bent down to pet her cat before rising again. "And while I have slept with other women, there has been no one else but you in New York." She spoke with no emotion at all: like she was just pointing something out as a matter of scientific fact.

Olivia picked up on the detail that she had said 'women' not just 'another woman', thus indicating that she'd been with at least two others abroad. She started to feel sick and she wasn't sure if she wanted to throw up or wring Anya's neck between her hands. She chose to do neither and swallowed every impulse running ragged through her nervous system until she could be somewhere private. She'd already been taken advantage of enough; she wouldn't allow this revelation to result in a loss of self-control.

Anya approached Olivia and spoke her name quietly, piercing her green eyes into Olivia's soul. "What is so wrong about what we have, Olivia? When you want me, you have me." Olivia didn't answer. She was right. There had never been a time when Anya had not made herself available to her whether the need was sexual or emotional, especially around the time of her mother's death, but she didn't like the idea of being another one of Anya's girlfriends.

She thought back to the night at her father's restaurant and cursed herself for not seeing the writing on the wall that was blatantly obvious to everyone but her. Many beautiful and younger women surrounded Anya's father, and Anya was the perfect mimic of Dimitri's behavior. She relished the attention she received by so many of her probably former girlfriends that still vied for her attention and her father almost seemed to encourage it; that he was proud of his daughter for behaving in such a manner. She was a detective – how did this slip right through her fingers? Was she truly just another one of the infatuated women that encircled Anya? It made her feel weak…and dejected.

Olivia was so lost in thought that she allowed the woman to reach for her face and pull it into a kiss. It pained Olivia to know that Anya had such a control over her. "I have a flight to catch. Good luck with your attorney."

*****

Ch. 29

When Olivia came into the precinct that morning, she carried her duffle bag over to her desk. Without looking up from his morning coffee, Elliot greeted her with his standard and indifferent "Good morning." Instead of answering him as she did every morning, she yanked her chair out from under the desk and violently threw her bag underneath. It hit the side of the desk's legs with a loud thump that shot up Elliot's attention. She turned on her heels and walked to the coffeepot without even so much as looking at him.

The coffee that morning tasted especially pungent and she dumped the entire full carafe into the garbage can before restarting another pot, making it the way she wanted it to be made. She hovered over it like a hawk and didn't let anyone near until it was completely made and blended; and even then, no one came close to the carafe until she had made her own cup to her liking and left to sit at her desk in front of Elliot. He looked up at her apprehensively, but didn't say anything.

After such a dramatic start to a Friday morning, Olivia decided to keep to herself as much as possible. Olivia could not hide her emotions very well and usually wore them on her sleeve. She also didn't have a problem with permeating the room, or infecting everyone else around her with her mood. A bitter scowl was present on her face nearly the entire morning, warning everyone around her to back off. The only person that was able to get a word in edgewise was Elliot and only because he had been her partner for a couple of years now and knew how to tread lightly, although he knew that the escalation that Olivia's mood had reached was definitely at a new level. No one asked and she didn't offer up any information as to why she was so angry, but everyone in the precinct knew to avoid her and give her space.

Later in the afternoon, she and Elliot were on their way to re-question a suspect in their most pressing child abuse case. Elliot really wanted to ask if she was okay. He'd sat on his hands and walked on eggshells for at least 4 hours already and the tension Olivia emanated was killing him. He assumed that it probably had something to do with Anya, but didn't know how to approach the subject without offending his partner. Nevertheless, he wanted her to know that she could talk to him.

"Are you going to be okay with talking with this guy?" He asked, turning the car onto 8^th Avenue.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Olivia asked, looking straight ahead.

"Well, it's pretty obvious that you're having a bad day, Liv. I could take you home and I could go on ahead and talk to him myself if you wanted." Elliot offered.

"I'm fine, Elliot." She said it, but the acidic inflection in her voice deceived her and cut through Elliot like he had expected her to do.

"Okay." He stopped at the red light. The car rumbled low and sputtering. He looked over at Olivia, who still had that horrible scowl on her face. He leaned his elbow against the window ledge in the car and took the plunge, ready without armor to be attacked. "Did something happen with Anya?"

"You could say that." Olivia said, biting the inside of her lip. She didn't look at her partner, and instead kept her eyes down towards the floor.

Elliot sat up and rubbed her shoulder lightly before looking back to the road when the light turned green. In the corner of his eye, he saw Olivia nod, accepting his gesture, before looking out the window with sadness and betrayal filling her eyes. He continued to drive uptown, trying not to look at his partner out of respect when she cleared her throat and quietly took the end of her red scarf to her eyes, dabbing them dry.

*****

The suspect was willing to return to the precinct with them to clear up the discrepancies in his story. When the questioning was getting a little more promising, Cragen called in Alex to see if they had enough to charge the suspect with abuse or at the very least an accessory after the fact. Unfortunately, Alex didn't find that the evidence against the suspect was enough to hold him and advised the detectives to cut him loose and get better information so they could get a search warrant, which would hopefully lead to something more solid. When Olivia and Elliot opened the door to let the suspect go, Alex asked to speak with Olivia briefly about other cases on her plate that she wanted to clear up ASAP.

Olivia pulled her aside outside of Cragen's office and answered her questions, relaying to her that she and Elliot had been so focused on this one case in particular that they hadn't had the time to revisit cases that were close to going cold. Alex stressed to Olivia to try one last time with one file involving an elderly woman in particular. She told Olivia that the DA was breathing down her neck about it and thus, the pressure was being passed onto her detectives for further investigation. It was just another pain in Olivia's ass in what was turning out to be a truly stressful day. Olivia sighed and gave Alex her word that she would pursue the leads one last time before turning it cold and Alex sincerely thanked her.

Olivia turned to walk towards the file room in order to retrieve the file Alex had been talking about when Alex abruptly asked if they were still going to have dinner together in a few hours. It was a good thing that she'd brought it up. Olivia had been so self-consumed all day regarding Anya that she'd forgotten all about it.

"Um…I don't know, Alex." Olivia thought aloud, shoving her hands into her pockets, looking to the ground, and scuffing the heel of her shoe into the floor.

Alex wondered if Olivia was withdrawing her offer because she had been insensitive in some way towards the detective and the nearly cold case file. She hoped that she hadn't offended her. "I didn't mean to be so harsh about that case, Liv. I just –"

"No, it's not that." Olivia interrupted her. "I would like to see that case closed too. You know I would." She shifted her weight. "I've just kind of had a rough day, and I'm not really feeling much like myself." It was true. She'd felt a cross of sadness, anger, but most of all, she felt a sense of displacement all day and really wanted to just go home and regroup her life around her work and nothing else. She didn't want to see Anya ever again, but she also didn't want to talk to anyone about it. Least of all to Alex, who she barely knew.

"Oh." Alex said, suddenly realizing Olivia's sullen mood. She felt selfish and guilty that she hadn't noticed until just then, but as soon as Olivia brought it up, it was completely obvious to Alex that the detective was troubled about something outside of work, and it upset her.

"Can I get a rain check?" Olivia asked, not wanting to totally cancel their dinner, just knowing that it couldn't be that night.

"Sure." Alex said. "Is everything's okay?" Alex added with a little concern, leaning in a little cocking her head to the side to try and catch Olivia's eyes, which Olivia evaded.

Olivia nodded. "Thanks."

"Well, you know how to reach me." She turned on her heels and walked out the precinct.

*****

Ch. 30

Around 7:00 that evening Olivia was still at work, dedicatedly going over Alex's requested case file trying to find some detail that she had somehow overlooked months ago. So far, nothing was coming to mind other than the fact that she was starving. Everyone had gone home for the weekend. She wondered if Alex had as well. She closed the folder in front of her, turned off her desk lamp, and grabbed her coat and scarf on her way out the door and headed to the attorney's office.

The blinds had been drawn, as they usually were, but Olivia could see that the lights were still on. She knocked softly on the door and heard Alex's voice invite her in. She opened the door, and stood in the entryway. Alex sat at her desk with stacks of paper, open books, and binders all around her. The black-rimmed glasses she wore were barely able to stay atop the bridge of her nose as she read a passage from a law review. A few strands of her blonde hair fell over her face and she tucked them back behind her ear. Olivia couldn't help but wonder if Anya was right about her fancying Alex. She did look nice in that classic navy suit.

Alex raised her head to see who wanted her attention at that hour. "Oh, it's you Olivia." She said, both surprised and relieved, pushing her glasses back so she could see better.

"Who were you expecting?" Olivia asked, leaning against the doorframe with her coat folded over her arms.

Alex chuckled. "No one. It's 7:30 on a Friday night. No one works that late around here." She waved Olivia into her office and offered her the chair in front of her desk.

"It looks like you do." Olivia said, sitting down and pointing out the organized chaos between them.

"Not really. Just a little research." Alex sat back in her chair. "So, do you need a last minute warrant or something?" She said, interlacing her fingers together and setting her hands down on the desk.

"No." Olivia said, shaking her head. She felt a little embarrassed wanting to find out if Alex had eaten dinner yet, knowing she'd canceled on her earlier. Alex had probably already eaten without her. "I was actually getting pretty hungry and was wondering if you'd had dinner yet."

Alex smiled. "You're feeling better then?"

"Not really." Olivia sighed, cradling her chin in her hand with her elbow balancing on the arm of the chair. "But I'm hungry. So have you?" She asked again, her stomach starting to churn with the need for substance.

"No." Alex said, leaning forward on her desk. "Someone rain checked me earlier today. Can you believe that?" Alex smirked.

Olivia smiled for the first time that day. "Well, I'd like to undo that cancellation from earlier and take you to dinner if you're up to it." She cocked her head to the side and gave Alex a smile before shying and looking down to her desk. She kept her head down, but slowly raised her dark eyes suggestively to see if Alex would say yes. Did I just flirt with her?

Alex smiled and rose from her desk to put a few documents and small binders in her beige briefcase. "Where will we be going?" She put her coat on and slung the strap of her briefcase over her shoulder.

Olivia got up and put her coat on as well. "I'm not picky." She shrugged. "But I have a feeling that you are." Alex's mouth dropped open and she turned to the detective before exiting her office, aghast at her accusation. Olivia walked past her and exited the office to allow Alex to lock it up. "What? Am I wrong?" She asked, without even a hint of apology.

Alex arrogantly sneered to herself, "No, I guess not."

They walked to the elevator together and Olivia turned to Alex when the doors closed. "So…" she said, waiting for Alex to decide. Alex didn't have an answer other than offering her a knowing smirk. "Alex, it's freezing outside and I'm starving. I'm not wandering around in the cold searching for food like a mouse. You have to choose a restaurant before we leave the building."

"I have. I didn't know I had to enlighten you about it." Alex said with a brief flash of her blue eyes to the detective.

Wow, those eyes can pack a punch, Olivia thought, quickly looking away so she wouldn't blush. "Ah." Olivia said, nodding sarcastically. "I see how it is. I take you out to dinner, but I don't even get the pleasure of knowing where we're going?"

Alex smiled, "Guess not." The elevator doors opened and Olivia waited for Alex to exit before stepping out. She walked next to her in order to slow her walk while she opened the front door, allowing her to exit out into the cold, winter air before her.

*****

It became evident that Alex didn't have much of a sense of direction after it took them much longer to walk to Alex's chosen restaurant than originally anticipated. She'd said it was only about two blocks away, but it ended up being around seven and not without taking a couple wrong avenues because Alex got turned around in her head on where they were going. She chocked it up to the fact that she hadn't been there in a while. When they finally found the restaurant, Alex apologized profusely, but promised it would be worth the trouble. Olivia could only hope, but at least it was warm inside. It was a small Italian place with decadent homemade desserts in their storefront window, easily enticing customers to come in.

Olivia badgered her about the blistering wind relentlessly as Alex perused over the wine list. They agreed on a bottle of Pinot Grigio to share as well as some bruchetta to start on since they were both starving. They started talking about their cases, Olivia beginning with the bad news that she had not uncovered anything yet on the elderly woman's case, but that she would continue to try. Then, they discussed other cases, not really knowing what else they had in common with one another.

Olivia felt she needed to make amends with Alex and decided to try flattery. Instead of focusing on her political motivations and their completely different approaches to criminal procedure, she spoiled Alex with comments about how she was in court recently, how she was amazed that she got one defendant to plead out a case Elliot was convinced would never plead out, etc. From where Olivia was sitting, her strategy appeared to work with Alex, but Alex didn't completely indulge herself in her own accomplishments. Rather, she made attempts to compliment Olivia on her work as well. They were both trying very hard on being nice to each other, putting their past disagreements aside. They knew they would have to get along in order to accomplish their jobs to the best of their abilities and simply talking about their accomplishments was one method to help one to understand the other.

When the waiter came and took their orders, Olivia ordered lobster ravioli and Alex selected the chicken primavera. When the waiter left, they sat nervously in front of one another, taking in their surroundings, but not knowing what was deemed safe conversation other than talking about work. They knew that they were each pretty protective of their personal businesses and didn't want to intrude upon one another, but they also didn't want to sit in silence all night or discuss the oftentimes-inappropriate details of their cases over such a nice dinner.

Olivia was feeling a little better being out and a little further away from her thoughts about Anya and their now defunct trysts. The rug had truly been pulled out from under her. There were multitudes of questions running through Olivia's mind as she sat with Alex, as she tried to focus on their conversation. It was difficult for Olivia to keep her mind in one place when at the same time, she was trying to solve the mystery of who she was versus who she thought she was. She didn't know if being with Anya meant that she was gay or if that was just some temporary, enjoyable fluke. Meanwhile, she wondering why Anya had done what she did and why Olivia was so upset about it.

Olivia was getting lost in her mind, so she turned her attention to her dinner when it arrived. The ravioli was positively divine and everything around her melted away with the colorful flavors taking over her mouth. Olivia couldn't help but let out a little moan as she took another bite of her ravioli, thoroughly enjoying her choice, "Oh my god, Alex. This is so good."

Alex smiled, looking up at Olivia. She was glad to see that she was feeling better. At the very least, her taste buds and stomach were satisfied. "I'm glad you like it."

"It's incredible. You have to try it." Olivia said, cutting one of the raviolis in half, swirling it into the white wine-based sauce, and securing it on her fork to put on Alex's plate.

"It's all right," Alex said, "I've had it before." Olivia had already dropped the food onto the edge of her plate. Alex smiled, scooped it up, and ate it. "It is good though."

Olivia tried to think of a detour out of their work-related conversations and wasn't able to come up with much other than to ask about the man she'd seen her with on the subway. As much as she didn't want to remind Alex about her supposed promiscuity, it was all she could think about. It was, quite literally, the only thing she knew about Alex outside of work. "So was that guy on the subway your boyfriend?" Olivia asked. She took a sip of her wine after swallowing another delicious piece of ravioli.

Alex smiled, cutting into her dinner with a knife and fork. She was more than a little surprised that Olivia had brought that night up, considering how defensive she'd been about it before. "No." She smiled. "Just a date." She took a bite of chicken and continued. "Things were going pretty well too until we ran into you and Anya." She laughed.

Ugh. I knew I shouldn't have brought up the subject. She knew Anya's name was bound to be brought up at some point in the night, but she really didn't like hearing the name on Alex's lips for some reason. "What do you mean?" Olivia asked, furrowing her eyebrows and taking another bite of ravioli.

"Let's just say his attention was no longer focused on me." Alex said, sipping her wine with a smirk.

Olivia laughed to herself, slightly embarrassed, but also a little sad. She had made the decision to not go out with Anya again when she returned to New York from London, but this also meant she could never touch or kiss her again. As much as she didn't respect Anya's lifestyle, she knew she was going to miss being with her. She already did.

"Not that I blame him." Alex went on, speaking more to herself, but Olivia definitely heard the comment.

Olivia looked up at Alex and raised an eyebrow to the attorney, curious about what she meant by that remark. She cleared her throat, choosing not to go down that alley. She's a co-worker, Olivia. Let it go.

"So how are you and Anya doing?" Alex asked.

"We're not." Olivia said it almost emotionless, but chewed her food slower and put her fork down to reach for her wineglass. "We broke up this morning."

Alex's eyes softened sensitively, now comprehending the reason for Olivia's sour mood all day. "I'm sorry to hear that." Although of course I'm not really. She seemed like a conceited bitch to me. However, Olivia is obviously troubled about it, and I can sympathize with that.

"I was really upset about it this morning, but I'm feeling a little better now." Olivia lied. She felt like she'd been beaten with a racket. She didn't want to bring Alex down though, so she kept up with the lying. "Maybe it's just the good food and wine, but uh…" She almost added Alex to the list, but changed her mind, not wanting her to take it the wrong way. "I'm trying to move on."

"I understand why you wanted to rain check our dinner." Alex said. "It would have been okay, you know."

Or I could be a little more truthful with her. Alex does look sympathetic. "I know. I am more angry about the way we 'broke up' more than anything." Olivia said using her fingers to outline the words "broke up" in quotes.

Alex took a long sip of her wine and placed the glass back on the table, pushing it forward for Olivia to refill the glass for her, which she did. "Why? What happened?"

"This does not leave the table." Olivia said seriously. Alex pursed her lips and gave Olivia a look as if to say that she knew that already. Olivia sighed. "To be completely honest, we weren't really girlfriends. We had a relationship of…well…convenience." Alex put the pieces together and nodded. "I knew from the start that the relationship was casual, but I guess I never read the fine print because I had no idea that she was sleeping her way across the European continent whenever she traveled over there for work. I didn't find that out until some tramp in London called this morning with a new address where they could hook up…um, well, it was just bad timing."

"Oh, Liv." Alex empathized, putting her wine glass down to give Olivia her full attention.

"And I might not have cared if Anya had just told me about these other women months ago when she started her tours, but she didn't and so I had to find out 7 months into our relationship and I only found out accidentally." Olivia paused again, taking another sip of her wine. "I'm just so pissed at myself for not realizing it sooner!. I feel like an idiot."

"You're not an idiot, Olivia." Alex said coming to her defense. "How could you have known if she never said anything?" Alex tried reassurance.

"Oh, there were warning signs. Trust me. I met her father once and it was like seeing a mirror image of Anya…or vice versa, as the case may be."

"What do you mean?" Alex interrupted.

Olivia sighed, "You wouldn't even believe it. Or maybe you would, I don't know. He had dozens of young, beautiful women hanging all over him all night and apparently, so does Anya. Except that she prefers to keep hers spread out all over the world rather than all at the same dinner table."

Alex took another bite of her food. It was a lot of information to process. It didn't offend her, but she certainly was offended for Olivia. She wasn't sure why Olivia had dared to tell her so much, but it made her feel for her even more that she had entrusted her with such personal information. She was sympathetic, but she also didn't like Anya to begin with so she wasn't that sympathetic. "Well, I'm sorry, Olivia. She obviously doesn't know a good thing when she sees it." Olivia looked up at Alex and cocked her head to the side, touched by Alex's perceived honesty about her. Alex paused for a second, taking another sip of wine. "And good riddance." She added bluntly. "You deserve far better than some European bitch." So much for being discreet.

Olivia's eyes widened and she couldn't help but laugh aloud at Alex's reaction. It was almost exactly what she expected her to say. "Damn, Cabot." She reacted.

"I'm sorry –" Alex started to take back her harsh judgment of Anya.

"No." Olivia interrupted her, reaching her hand across the table to Alex's, covering it. "Thank you." She sat back and raised her wine glass to her. "I knew I could count on you to smack me back into reality with some brutal honesty. Elliot never would have dared to pull a stunt like that, even if he was thinking it."

Alex raised her glass as well and smiled. It wasn't everyday that she was complimented for saying such things. They clinked their glasses together and each took a sip of their wine.

*****

Ch. 31

Alex consciously removed herself emotionally from her work and from most people. For work, it was just a necessary evil in order to effectively do her job. Reading the reports, viewing the evidence, or describing in detail the occurrences in a motion or in addressing the court didn't make the crimes less horrific for her than viewing things first hand as the detectives did. She saw the same things that they saw; just not usually in the flesh so it offended her that the detectives viewed her as being cold and indifferent to their cases because she felt quite the opposite about them. The fact of the matter was that she had to protect herself from her own job and her methodology in succeeding in this vein was to keep her emotional difference and her gut reactions at bay. It was what worked for her in homicide and so far it was working with special victims.

She had decided to take on SVU cases for a purely political reason; although, understanding at the same time that the cases were some of the most difficult to stomach as well as getting convictions. Even though Cragen, Stabler, and others accused her of trying to boost her win/lose ratio when she first started, the truth of the matter was that rape cases often went without conviction. It was something she was well aware of, but it was because of this reason that she pursued the challenge. If she could bring the conviction rate up, she would find herself a seat as the District Attorney and eventually be able to move to a higher level of a government office. Ultimately, she wanted to be a Senator of New York. She believed with her soul that a position of such caliber was her destiny and she would stop at nothing until she had achieved everything she'd ever wanted.

The Cabot family was comprised of judges, professors, and doctors so the pressure had been placed upon Alex from a very young age to do something with her life. Instead of rebelling against her family's wishes, she accepted it. She wanted a lucrative career just as much as her family wanted it for her. Discussions about college started at the age of 11; solid career goals were established by 15. She had been dedicated from birth to pursuing a career with societal significance and that left little room for personal relationships. She had a few friends left over from law school, one or two from undergrad, and enough networking acquaintances to fill the Bowery Ballroom, but she generally didn't make time for anything other than a happy hour or two. Much of her free time, when she had it, was spent with her family in upstate New York.

Alex never realized that she had been missing out on something other than work and casual relations until she had witnessed Olivia and Anya's passion for one another on the subway. She never made time for serious romantic involvement with men. She dated some, but because she was so dedicated to her job, they usually gave up on pursuing her beyond a few months of dating. She wondered if men would always be playing second fiddle to her career for the rest of her life.

She thought again about Olivia and Anya's relationship, and wondered how two people could see each other for seven months and then just cut it off mutually as if they had meant nothing to one another. Something about that didn't seem right to her calculated mind. She recalled seeing the kiss the two had shared on the subway. There was no mistaking it; something else was going on that Olivia was not comfortable with addressing. It couldn't have been just sex. She was curious about their relationship even though it was none of her business.

She also wanted to get to know Olivia more, but was unsure of how to make it happen. She had those tickets that the DA had given her as a thank you, but she didn't want to insult her by asking her attend with her, knowing Olivia probably wanted to be alone as she'd just gotten out of a relationship and likely didn't want to talk about it. Then again, they had already gone out to a harmless dinner so maybe Olivia would be up to spending more time with Alex since their time together that night was mutually enjoyable.

The dinner had served as an appropriate icebreaker in their working relationship, just as Alex had hoped it would. The two were much more amicable with one another when they met in court, in her office, or at the precinct. They still maintained enough distance as to not step on the other's toes, but at least they were able to meet and discuss their cases without as many arguments or disagreements as they had before their dinner together. Sometimes Olivia got railroaded in arguments between Alex and Elliot, but she felt that if they got to know each other better, then eventually she could get along with Elliot as well.

A gentle rub on her shoulder disrupted Alex's thoughts as she had been waiting on a courthouse bench outside of the courtroom. She looked up to see Detectives Benson and Stabler standing above her, but wasn't sure who had touched her. She noticed that Elliot was dressed nicely, as he was to appear in court only moments from now, and she was pleased to see that he had arrived on time.

"Good afternoon, detectives." Alex said respectfully and refocusing her mind back to work. "They're not quite ready for us to go in. Always a delay, you know." She shrugged.

Olivia sat down beside Alex, realizing that their wait could be longer than thirty minutes until their case came up on the docket. Elliot stayed standing, waiting a little more impatiently. Alex reached into her briefcase and pulled out a file to pass the time. She paged through a legal pad, going over her notes when her eyes stopped on the two tickets the DA had given to her that were clipped to the yellow-lined paper. She thought for a moment, and then turned to Olivia, realizing that there wasn't any harm in just asking.

"Uh, Olivia?" Alex asked, a little hesitant. Olivia looked back to her and raised her eyebrows quizzically. "The DA gave me a couple of tickets to ABT next Saturday because he wasn't able to go." Olivia took a deep breath and held it. "I heard that you like the ballet, so would you be interested in going with me?"

"You're kidding, right?" Olivia snapped, unable to hold back her bitter and hurt reaction, as the memories of being with Anya flooded her mind all over again. She thought about the night that she had gone to the ballet the first time and the passionate night that followed, and it reminded her of how lonely she was with Anya now out of her life.

Alex was shocked at her reaction, and her eyes widened. "No…why would I be kidding?"

Olivia shook her head and rose from the bench, walking heavily across the marble floors until she disappeared into the ladies room down the hall.

What did I say that upset her so quickly? Maybe today was another bad day, but she didn't seem upset two seconds ago. Alex turned to look at Elliot. She shrugged her shoulders and raised her hands a bit. "What did I say?" She asked him.

He cocked his head to the side and folded his arms over his chest; unable to fathom that she didn't know what had upset Olivia. "The ballet? Not your best idea, Cabot."

"Why? I heard she'd gone before and enjoyed it. Did I hear wrong?" Alex was getting frazzled, but really needed to calm down. She had to present Elliot to court moments from now and yet Olivia was visibly hurt about what Alex had said. She had to know why.

Elliot looked towards the bathroom. He wanted to check on his partner, but knew he couldn't go into the ladies room. He turned back to Alex. Obviously, she didn't know that much about Anya so he decided to enlighten her. "No, you heard correct. But you might not have gotten the whole story."

"Then what? She is obviously upset at something I said. If you know, then please tell me, Elliot." She insisted.

Elliot straightened his tie. "Anya is a dancer with ABT, Alex."

Alex's eyes closed and her shoulder sank, feeling completely defeated. She sighed heavily before opening her eyes again. "No one told me that." She ran her fingers through her short hair. "God, I didn't mean to upset her, but I honestly didn't know."

"Well, why don't you just go and tell her?" He offered, feeling that Alex was being sincere. "We've got some time before we go into court anyway. I'm sure that if she knows that you didn't mean anything by it, then she'll be okay."

She nodded and unclipped the two tickets from her file and handed them to Elliot. "Here, I don't want them." She got up from the bench.

"I appreciate it, Alex, but I don't want them either."

"Give them to Kathy or your daughter. Hell, give them to Munch or Fin. I don't care." Alex walked to the bathroom and took a deep breath for bravery before pushing the door open. She wasn't sure how Olivia would react, but she had a feeling it wouldn't be pretty. Olivia was already upset enough, and Alex hoped that if she just explained that she didn't know about Anya being a dancer, that Olivia would forgive her faux pas.

Olivia stood at the mirror and her eyes were glossy, but she dabbed at each tear forming in her eyes with a paper towel, stifling them back. She glanced up to see Alex standing behind her, her hands coming up to carefully speak with her friend.

"Olivia, I'm so sorry." Alex pleaded. She didn't want Olivia to interject, so she spoke again quickly. "I didn't know about Anya being a dancer." She took a step forward, seeing Olivia flinch at the mere mentioning of Anya's name. Damn, what did that woman do to her? "I'm truly sorry, Liv." She clasped her hands together, wringing them nervously before putting them down at her sides to regain her composure.

Olivia sniffled. "You didn't know," she acknowledged, brushing her knuckle against the tip of her nose. She knew that Alex hadn't meant any harm, but she had managed to pierce an old wound and it was a wound that Olivia could not seem to heal quickly enough. "I'm sorry for snapping at you." She threw the paper towel away and looked back at the mirror to ensure that the tears had dried from her eyes.

"You had every right to. I feel awful, Liv." Alex looked away, still being careful with her words.

"It's okay. You didn't know. But don't tell Elliot about this. He worries enough about me. He doesn't need –"

"I won't tell him." Alex interrupted. Olivia walked towards the door to exit, finished with the conversation, but Alex wasn't. "Will you let me make it up to you? I feel like an asshole."

"It was a misunderstanding. You don't owe me anything." Olivia protested.

"Please?" Alex asked. Olivia smiled, knowing it was not common for Alex to be begging for forgiveness. Alex thought quickly, trying to think of something similar to take Olivia to, but unsure of what kind of cultural things she enjoyed. "Do you have objections to the symphony?"

She smiled. "No. My mother and I used to go…when she could." Olivia said, rolling her eyes to herself with a sad smile. "I miss it actually." Olivia stepped up to Alex and reached behind her for the door handle. She turned back around to look at Alex directly. "But really. No hard feelings, Alex." She said, opening the door.

"I still want to make it up to you, Liv." Alex insisted.

Olivia sighed, walking out. "Come on." She led Alex out of the ladies room and back to the bench where they awaited their hearing.

 *****

Ch. 32

Spoiler: Season 2, Countdown (this scene leads up to some material being used from the show (no profit). I'm not taking a detour. Everything will be okay. I promise, but a particular cell phone conversation needed an explanation.)

Olivia did not want to associate her night at the symphony with Alex in anyway with her night at the ballet with Anya, so she took the time to do a little extra preparing for the evening. She found herself shopping at Bloomingdale's, looking a new dress before she and Alex were to go to the symphony this coming weekend. She couldn't even remember the last time that she had bought a dress. She looked around, and all the cocktail dresses seemed too fancy and out of her price range. She thought better than to buy another expensive dress that she'd rarely wear and decided upon a nice suit-like ensemble instead. The pants she found were black with tiny silver pinstripes and the shirt she found was a deep navy color and had lacy etching and a nice v-neckline. She felt confident in it and a little sexy; which was something she needed a high dosage of with the events of late.

She rarely shopped for herself, but doing so relaxed and distracted Olivia's mind off of work for the time being. Being away from the precinct and from Elliot, she took the time to rummage though the caverns of her thoughts to come up with some kind of solution as to what was going on with her. She felt cheated with Anya. Despite Anya's disloyalty, she had lost an addictive lover and desperately wanted that contact back, but she also knew that she didn't want it from Anya. Additionally, she didn't know who she wanted to be with, if anyone at all. She wasn't sure if she wanted a relationship per say, but she badly wanted those tender moments in the bedroom. Anya had been the only woman Olivia had dared to even think about sexually let alone sleep with and living without their lavish romps was becoming increasingly difficult for Olivia to bear. She had been spoiled rotten, knew it, and hated being cut out of it. She didn't know if she wanted to try and date other women or if she want to return to men, which was easier and acceptable for her. Except that no man had ever made her feel the way that Anya had.

She walked over to the jewelry counter, wondering if it would make her feel better to buy something else. She spotted a unique necklace with multiple strings of white gold wrapping around itself, with each strand dangling down in hoops and lines asymmetrically and at varying lengths, some having dark, sapphire gems dangling from the end of a strand, others not. A man at the counter approached her, seeing that the simple, but expensive piece, had stolen all of her attention.

"That necklace would look beautiful on you." He said, pulling it out from under the counter.

Olivia looked up at the tall suited man, his hands holding out the necklace on a velvet platform for her to look at closer. "I'm sure you say that to everyone." She scoffed, unamused, but nonetheless looking at the necklace closer and touching its intricate details.

"Not true. It's a very unique piece and one that not every woman could wear." He said. "Here. Try it on." He reached his hands around Olivia's neck and secured the clasp for her, letting the necklace fall naturally over her collarbones. He angled a mirror on the counter for her to look at herself.

It does look beautiful, Olivia thought, but the price tag is going to be hard to ignore.

"Just as I thought." He continued, his soft eyes catching her own. "Beautiful."

Olivia looked away and undid the clasp to return the necklace to the associate. It was too soon to be flirting with anyone, she thought, but he was making it so easy. "I'll think about it." She said.

"But I haven't even asked you yet." He replied with a smile. Olivia scrunched her eyebrows, afraid of where the conversation was headed. "I'm Michael." He leaned over the counter to look into Olivia's eyes, trying to attract her attention off of the sparkling necklace and onto himself.

"Olivia." She said, noticing the light reflecting off of his cufflinks. She wondered if this was what she wanted to do or not.

"Would you have dinner with me sometime, Olivia?" He asked.

She didn't know the answer to such a simple question. She didn't know who she was anymore. Was she still attracted to men? This associate was nice and somewhat attractive, but he didn't appeal to her in the way that Anya had. It had been about two months since she and Anya had broken up, but she feared that it was still too soon out of her relationship to date. She was still consumed with her thoughts about Anya and worried that she'd be pinning everyone up against Anya's standards. She thought again about the idea of holding everyone against Anya and felt it gave Anya far too much credit and didn't like the idea of doing that. She nodded a yes to the man, thinking that perhaps she could go out with him just to see what happened. Maybe she wasn't gay. Maybe Anya was just a fluke.

He reached into his wallet and gave her his business card. She smiled and put it into her jacket pocket. "Are you sure you don't want the necklace? You could break hearts in it." He asked again.

She looked down at the bright sapphires and shimmering gold again. She couldn't help but want it; it was so distinctly different and it had been such a long time since she'd done something nice for herself. She chose to ignore the price tag and went ahead and bought it.

 *****

Ch. 33

Spoiler: Season 2, Countdown (some material and dialogue is being used from the actual show – no profit, just fun.)

Within the next day or so, the precinct was investigating a child abduction/rape case. When the child managed to escape, the mother was being difficult in allowing Detectives Stabler and Benson to interview the young victim. Without her recount of the events that took place while she was abducted, things were going to hit a stand still in their investigation. Olivia was given a short window of time to speak alone with the young girl and received messages through an earphone from Elliot in order to assist with the interview. When the mother started to come undone about her daughter's traumatizing experience, Alex snatched the microphone from Elliot and called into Olivia's ear to expedite the process. However, despite Olivia's attempts, she was able to get any crucial information before the mother yanked the interview to a screeching halt.

Elliot got a call from Fin asking him to come back to the precinct in order to give Cragen an update. Olivia said she wanted to stay behind with Alex just for a moment to see if they could reason with the mother as women. They both tried, coming at her from different angles and strategies, but the mother insisted that her daughter go home and rest, that she had been traumatized enough, and to leave her and her child alone. They had failed and Alex and Olivia had no choice but to let the woman leave with the little girl.

Before heading out to catch up with Elliot, Olivia heard her phone ring from the inside of her coat pocket that was slung over the back of a chair in the interview room. She joked to Alex that it was probably Elliot telling her to hurry up and get back to the precinct. She reached into her pocket and answered the phone.

"Elliot, we're on our way." Olivia said, impatiently.

"This isn't Elliot, Olivia."

Olivia's facial expression dropped to a disbelieving frown and she brought her other hand up to her brow, and rubbed her forehead.

Alex noticed Olivia's change in demeanor and wondered if she'd just received bad news about their case from Elliot. "What is it, Liv?" Alex asked, taking a cautious step forward.

Olivia sighed and raised her index finger to Alex, asking her to wait. "What do you want, Anya?"

Alex didn't know what to do when she heard Olivia address the woman over the phone with such bitterness. She knew Olivia would want privacy, but she wondered if Olivia would actually take the call or just hang up on her, considering what had transpired between them.

"Is that anyway to greet me, Olivia?" Anya said into the phone.

"I think it's a perfectly appropriate response to you after how you've treated me." Olivia said. She glanced over to Alex, who looked concerned.

When Olivia continued to speak to Anya, Alex started to walk out of the interview room to give her some privacy. Olivia told Anya to hold on as she put her hand over the receiver and spoke to Alex, who turned around when she was addressed. "I'm sorry, Alex. We'll go in a minute. I have to take care of this and I'd rather just get it over with." Olivia was embarrassed that she needed to handle the situation with Anya now, but she knew that it needed to be dealt with and it might be easier for her to do so over the phone.

"It's fine, Liv." Alex said opening the door to exit. "I'll be out in the hall." Olivia thanked Alex and turned from the door. Alex meant to close the door all the way, but the latch didn't catch, so it popped back open, slightly.

"You're with Alex, aren't you?" Anya asked.

"Yes, I'm with Alex, but we're at work. Why the hell do you care that I'm with her?" Olivia snapped.

Alex intended to give Olivia her privacy until she heard her name come out of Olivia's mouth. She knew there was more to Anya's story than Olivia was letting on and she now had somewhat of a confirmation that it involved her in some way. Why would Anya care that Olivia was with me? She knows we work together. She took two steps back towards the cracked interview room door and quietly listened even though she knew she shouldn't, but she just couldn't resist the temptation.

"I don't." Anya said.

"Why are you calling me? I thought this was over." Olivia said, upset that Anya was drudging up their relationship after Olivia had come so close to burying it.

"I never ended it, Olivia. I thought I would just give you some time to think everything over while I was away. I was hoping that you would reconsider your feelings about us."

"I've reconsidered our relationship countless times, but my thoughts remain the same. I don't want to see you again and I don't want you to call me." Olivia said frankly, but felt the tears well up in her eyes.

"If that's how you truly feel…" Anya said.

"It's not how I feel, Anya, and I hate that it's not, but it's what needs to happen for me. We can't see each other anymore. I can't be with someone that doesn't want to be with me exclusively. I have to move on." Olivia sniffed back her tears and hoped Anya didn't hear her.

Anya didn't, but Alex did. She never thought of Olivia to be the type to be so affected by a relationship before, especially one that was supposedly a relationship of "convenience." Obviously, what she had shared with Anya meant more than just sex to Olivia, even if she wouldn't admit to it. It seemed impossible to believe that Anya had bewitched her so successfully, but she was relieved to hear that Olivia didn't want to see her anymore. Alex didn't like the idea of Olivia seeing someone that didn't have a conscience when it came to considering other people's feelings and their loyalty. For whatever reason, she felt protective of her new friend.

"I'll let you go then." Anya said. "It was a pleasure to have known you. You're a beautiful woman and I wish I could give myself to you entirely, but I just can't promise you that and I think you deserve that kind of honesty, Olivia. I'm sorry that I cannot be who you want me to be, but know that my door is always open to you."

Now she was killing her with kindness. Olivia couldn't take it. She bid Anya goodbye quickly and closed her phone, setting it on the table in front of her. Her head fell into her hands and she wept quietly. When Alex heard the soft sobs coming from the inside of the room, it startled her. And it broke her heart, but she didn't know what to do. She was not supposed to be listening in the first place, nor was she the comforting type. She knew that Olivia would not want Alex to see her crying so she stepped away from the door and walked back to the end of the hallway to wait for Olivia to come out when she was ready.

Minutes passed like hours until Olivia came out of the room, thoroughly taken aback by the conversation and thick emotions running through her veins. She looked up and saw Alex's concerned face looking back at her, and did her best to harden her heart in order to get back to work.

"Is everything okay?" Alex asked sincerely. Even though she knew the answer, she had to at least act as if she didn't know what happened.

"It will be." Olivia answered, swallowing her emotions. "I need to get back. Elliot's waiting."

Alex nodded. She reached into her briefcase and pulled out one of her business cards and a pen. She clicked the end of the pen and wrote down her home number on the back and gave it to Olivia. "In case you ever need anyone to talk to. You can call me."

*****

After re-canvassing the crime scene with Elliot, Olivia looked at her watch and wondering if there was still enough time to meet with Michael. She needed a distraction from Anya and she needed it now. "It's 8:00 and we're fresh out of leads. Why don't we just call it a day?" She asked.

Elliot shrugged, "I've still got enough time to make it to the toy store. Kathy will faint when she finds out I got the twins' birthday present two days early."

Olivia grabbed her coat and put it on. Behind her, Munch put on his hat and they walked in line towards the elevator to leave. Olivia pulled her phone out from her pocket and dialed Michael's number.

"Hey, it's me. Are we still on for dinner?" She waited for his answer on the other end of the phone and smiled when she heard where they were going; it was a familiar restaurant. He asked her if she knew where it was. "I think so." He told her that he couldn't wait to see her. "Okay. See you then." She closed her phone.

"How's Mr. Perfect?" Munch asked from behind Olivia.

"Ah, he's good." She replied, knowing that Munch didn't have a clue as to whom she was speaking to. "Of course, I've only met him once and the only time I talk to him is when I'm calling to cancel, but other than that – great."

Upon entering the elevator, Fin turned to Munch, "You got any plans tonight, Munch?"

"No, but the night is young and full of endless possibility." He remarked.

The elevator doors started to close behind the four detectives when Cragen's hands met the doors in the middle, pulling them back open. "Everybody stays." He said with a stomp of his foot on the ground.

"Why?" Elliot asked, disappointed.

"Man in a white van grabbed another girl." Cragen answered.

24 hours later, Olivia's desk phone rang. She answered it and immediately recognized the voice to be Michael's. She sighed to herself, and apologized again for standing him up the night before and for not being able to make any future plans with him due to the urgency of the case they were working on. He wanted to know when he could see her and Olivia didn't have an answer for him. They were complete strangers and yet all she could think about was how needy he was already. She had to end the call and she hoped he wouldn't call again. She briefly thought back on how Anya hardly ever called her when she was working. She seemed to just know what the job required of her, and she certainly never begged to see Olivia. She missed the respectful space that Anya had given her.

By the third day, the detectives were more enemies than friends; none having had more than 20 minutes of sleep at a time and all of them had a ticking clock in their minds, knowing that a little girl could be murdered today. Everyone snapped at everyone else for trivial things and Olivia was no exception. She had no suspect, no leads, and no cooperation from the officers in Queens that knew certain details of previous attacks related to their case. She needed to relax and just do her job, but she was frustrated as hell, and still wearing the same clothes she's started in 3 days ago. She'd canceled on Michael 3 days in a row and just wanted him to stop calling her. On the other hand, she guiltily wanted to see Anya so she could get what she needed from her in order to relax. She couldn't stand not having her at her disposal anymore, but refused to give in to her.

By the end of day three, the detectives had successfully arrested their suspect and he was now in Alex's hands. Olivia knew Alex had gotten plenty of sleep over the past few days and would still want to go to the symphony as they had planned to do the following night, but Olivia knew that wasn't going to happen if she didn't get some rest. The second after they made the arrest and sent him to central booking, Olivia went home. She stripped herself of her filthy clothes, and slept for the rest of the day and all through the night.

*****

Ch. 34

Little did she know, but the symphony was the perfect resolution to her problems. Olivia was able to settle into the velvet seat next to Alex and daydream her frustrations and anxieties away as the soothing music washed over her. The orchestra calmed her nerves to the point of reaching a near hypnotic state of mind for 2 hours. Despite how much she had rested the day before, Olivia almost fell asleep a couple of times, but was nudged with a lighthearted chuckle from Alex whenever her eyes got too heavy.

As they left Lincoln Center, Olivia looked over to Alex. Under her long black coat, Alex wore a stunning scarlet dress that caught the attention of nearly everyone around them, including Olivia's. She smiled to herself, picturing a fantasy of her being out with Alex on a real date and how proud she'd be to have Alex on her arm. "This was exactly what I needed after this week, Alex. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'd invite you back to my apartment for some wine or coffee, but you've had such a long and stressful week that I'll understand if you want to go home and rest."

Olivia smiled. Alex was being so real with her, and she was having such a nice time that she couldn't come up with a good reason why she shouldn't go back to Alex's apartment. Olivia accepted the invitation and walked with the woman towards Columbus Avenue. She thought about how so many months ago she had been at Lincoln Center with Anya, leaving the theatre, but walking in the opposite direction towards Amsterdam. Olivia opened the door to the taxi for Alex and allowed her to enter the cab first, then closed the door after settling in next to her.

Alex instructed the taxi driver to take them to 68^th and Lexington. Olivia had no idea where she lived until then. She wondered how an attorney working for the city could afford an apartment in such a nice location. That question burned even deeper in Olivia's mind when they actually made it to Alex's apartment. It was stunning. She was located on one of the top floors and her living room had floor to ceiling windows with an amazing view of the illuminated skyscapers around her. She had beautiful dark, hardwood floors and a fireplace, which was something exceptionally rare in the city. She either had a misunderstanding about what the district attorney's office paid their employees or Alex came from old, family money. It wasn't any of her business to ask though, so she didn't.

Olivia took Alex's coat and hung it up in a nearby closet. Alex then asked Olivia what kind of wine she preferred or if she wanted coffee. Options. Of course. Olivia thought. It was late, so coffee would have been more practical just so she could stay awake, but judging by how classy her apartment was, she figured that Alex probably had some really nice wines. "Wine would be nice. But I do prefer something dry." Olivia answered, following Alex to her kitchen.

"Good. So do I." Alex answered, crouching down to the small wine chiller she had in the pantry of her kitchen. She selected a dry Sauvignon Blanc and asked Olivia to open it for her while she got two glasses down from a cabinet.

After pouring the wine, Alex led Olivia back to her living room. Relaxing onto Alex's fine cream-colored couch, Olivia was comforted by being with the counselor, which surprised her a little. She had never gone out with any of the other prosecutors that she worked with over the years, but Alex was quite different from Abbie Carmichael and the others. Outside of her comfortable circle of cops and detectives, Alex was the first work-related friend that Olivia had been out with socially. She had assumed for such a long time that the two of them had nothing in common with one another, but things were turning out to be quite the opposite. Just knowing that there weren't any expectations bearing down on her from Alex, and that they weren't there to discuss work or anything serious was a nice escape and a complimenting continuation of their night at the New York Philharmonic.

She half expected Alex to put on something more comfortable than the red dress she wore, but she was happy that she'd left it on; she looked dazzling in it. The way the sparkling aquamarine necklace settled at the center of her throat caught Olivia's eye as well. She heard what Alex was talking about (something about living upstate versus living in the city) but couldn't help but fall into a slight reverie while gazing into Alex's strikingly beautiful blue eyes. She noticed how perfect the seams of the dress hugged her small curves, and she readily admitted to herself that she was a little more than drawn to her. Without a doubt, Alex was one of the most beautiful women Olivia had ever seen.

She tried not to dwell on it too long, knowing that Alex was a co-worker and any relationship outside of a professional one would be a hazard to both of their jobs. She also firmly believed that Alex was probably not the type into dating women. And to complicate things further, she was still in a personal whirlwind of emotions at present. Still, she found herself lost in those eyes. She didn't want to do anything regretful, so she drank her wine slowly. Thinking about these things forced Olivia to acknowledge, however, the fact that she actually wanted to try and date other women other than Anya. She had almost convinced herself that Anya was an exception, but in looking at Alex, Olivia couldn't deny her attraction to the attorney. She now had to reconsider the original assessment that she had made of her own sexuality.

Olivia was forced out of her daydream when Alex reached towards her with one of her graceful hands and lightly touched at Olivia's necklace. She wore the one she had bought last week at Bloomingdale's and was suddenly very happy that she'd gone through with the purchase. She didn't recall when Alex scooted herself closer to Olivia, but she felt herself melt at the touch of her fingertips as they tangled their way between the silver colored gold strands, admiring the handiwork of the necklace.

"This is very nice." Alex said, complimenting the necklace and looking up to Olivia's eyes before dropping the necklace back onto her neck. She sat back with her elbow leaning on the back of the plush couch. "Where did you get it?"

"Bloomingdale's," Olivia said with a shrug. She realized at that moment that she hadn't heard from Michael in over two days. He'd given up on her and she was thankful for it.

"It's very 'you', Olivia." Alex said.

Olivia smiled. "Thank you." She looked down and took another drink of her wine. Alex had nice taste and her selection for them that evening was perfect. "I like yours as well. It looks like an antique. Is it?" She asked.

"Sort of. It was my great-grandmother's." Alex said, proud of her family's ability to keep their heirlooms in the family.

I knew it, Olivia thought, confirming her feelings about the Cabot's history. Thinking about what Alex's family was like only brought her to memories of her own family. Her mother had passed away only a few months ago and Olivia tried not to think about it too often. However, the one thought that kept recurring in her mind after Serena passed was that she was now completely alone in the world. She assumed that Alex probably had no idea what that felt like. Her family was obviously affluent and proud of one another. Any dirty laundry the Cabots' had; they probably had enough money to bury and forget about it in order to focus their attention on the positive and successful things among the family members.

One of the few fond memories that Olivia had of her mother was when she took her out to the symphony. Sometimes her mother got little perks from the university and tickets to the New York Philharmonic was one of them. Serena always took Olivia with her because she knew that Olivia liked it so much. Going with Alex was somehow a form of closure for her on so many levels and she wanted Alex to know how much it had meant to her. "Thank you for taking me with you to the symphony, Alex. I'm really glad we went."

"I'm glad we did too. It was fun." Alex commented. When she leaned over to pour herself another glass of wine, a few blonde strands of hair fell from behind her ear and she tucked them back again to look to Olivia, offering her some more wine.

Olivia pushed her near empty glass forward on the coffee table for Alex to refill the glass. "My mom used to take me to the symphony on a rare occasion. It's one of the nicer memories that I have of her."

"How have you been doing concerning that, Olivia?" Alex asked. "I didn't know you very well at the time, but I am very sorry for your loss."

"Thanks." Olivia dropped her head and played with the rim of her wineglass with her fingertips. "I'm doing okay. Tonight helped."

"You've had kind of a rough year, haven't you?" Alex asked.

"They all kind of blend together to be perfectly honest." Olivia said with a dismayed laugh. "This year was okay…most of it was anyway. It's just been difficult within the last few months."

"Why didn't you take any time off, Liv?" She asked, leaning over the edge of the couch to remove her shoes so she could tuck her feet underneath herself on the couch.

"What would you do with yourself if you had all that time on your hands, knowing how important your job is?" Olivia asked Alex with a smirk, knowing she would have kept working just as she had.

"You've got a point." Alex conceded with a smile. She took another sip of her wine. "I don't mean this to be rude, but can I ask you something rather personal?" Alex asked.

Olivia's eyebrows rose suspiciously. "Might as well. If I say no then I'll wonder what it was that you wanted to ask."

Given permission, Alex bit the bullet and asked the question that she had been curious about since she'd seen Olivia on the subway car with Anya. "Do you only date women? Because I could have sworn when I met you that you were straight."

Olivia laughed, hoping that she'd drank enough wine to be candid, but not too much to be inappropriate. "I thought I was too, but I guess I can't say that with too much confidence anymore, can I?" She joked. "But, uh, I don't really know, Alex." She said, looking down into her wineglass before taking another sip. "I mean, Anya was the only girl that I've ever dated, and I've been thinking about it a lot lately since we broke up. But I don't really have an answer – for you or myself. I don't really think that I'm gay…" she said, thinking, then looking up to Alex. "But I know I'm not straight." Olivia took another sip of her wine before placing the glass on the coffee table in front of them. "What about you?" Olivia asked, turning the tables playfully. If Alex was going to poke and prod, she felt she had authority to do the same.

"What about me?" Alex said with a scrunch of her nose, avoiding Olivia's inquiry.

"Are you exclusively reserved for men?" Olivia asked with a cunning smirk, cocking her head to the side.

Alex snickered and ran her fingers through her hair before looking back at Olivia. "Do you want to go out with me, Liv?" She teased, recognizing a leading question when she heard one, but then looked away to avoid flirting any further with her colleague.

Olivia knew she shouldn't push her luck with Alex, but she had set herself up for it and Olivia couldn't back down from such an invitation. Olivia smirked, "I already have."

"Ah, good one, Benson." Alex wagged an accusing finger at Olivia, having been successfully pigeonholed. She snickered to herself for a moment, wondering if she should be so open with Olivia. Olivia had revealed so much personal information about herself already, so it would only be fair to throw her a crumb or two about herself. It couldn't hurt, she thought. "Actually, I liked a girl named Katie in college." She admitted.

"You what? I was just kidding around, Alex!" Olivia exclaimed, her eyes widening and her back straightening until she was sitting upright. "Now you have to tell me about her."

"You can't tell Elliot." Alex said putting her wineglass down on the glass table in front of the couch.

"Why the hell would I tell Elliot?" Olivia asked with a crooked face, perplexed by the idea of sharing anything of that nature with her partner.

"Because you're best friends." She insisted.

Olivia rolled her eyes with a shrug. "He doesn't know everything about me and my friends. Now come on. You said I could talk to you about this sort of thing. And now you've got me interested in talking about it. Besides, it might make me feel better to hear someone else's story."

Alex began telling Olivia about Katie, a girl she knew during her undergraduate studies at Columbia. They were both feverishly dedicated to their education and their futures so they were able to connect with one another because of it. Alex told Olivia that they had grown up in neighboring towns, but never met one another until they were enrolled in a general psychology class Freshman year and were assigned to be on the same lab team. Alex went on to say that they spent a lot of time studying together because they got along so well and eventually, they hung out socially, and went to parties together so they could look out for one another. Later, they started talking about how they were both attracted to each other.

"We never formally dated," Alex continued. "We had boyfriends the entire time we knew each other and they never had a clue. We didn't go out often or for very long." Alex leaned down to the table for her wineglass and took a sip, getting a little more nervous about telling Olivia such personal details. "But sometimes we would go to parties…and…" Alex fanned her hand out, hoping Olivia could just put the rest of the pieces together on her own.

"And? And what? You can't end it like that." Olivia persisted.

Alex rolled her eyes, and sat back against the couch. She watched Olivia and drummed her fingers along the arm of the couch, anxiously. "We'd disappear for a while." She finally said, waiting for Olivia's reaction. Olivia sat quietly, pondering the possibilities and sneered at Alex like she expected something else. "I'm not giving you the gritty details, Liv."

"That's enough. I have an imagination." Olivia said, sitting back and enjoying the playful imagery that came to mind. The idea of dating Alex was becoming much more tangible now, despite its inappropriate nature. But there was no harm in daydreaming, Olivia told herself. "Alexandra Cabot, I am shocked." She said turning her nose down and her eyes up at Alex, mockingly.

"So am I." Alex said, rubbing her fingers against her brow, not believing that she'd just told Olivia about her collegiate crush. "It was a long time ago and there haven't been any other girls since Katie."

"Sure." Olivia joked sarcastically.

Alex shook her head and pursed her lips together, barely curling her lip into a smile at the teasing detective. "I never should have told you. You're never going to let me live my one indiscretion down."

You're damn right I'm not. Olivia thought to herself with a smirk.

Olivia stayed at Alex's apartment for another glass of wine before calling it a night. When Alex walked her to the door, Olivia wanted so badly to kiss her goodnight. She almost wished Alex hadn't told her about her friend in college because the visions of a completely unprofessional relationship with the attorney now flooded her mind. She had also drank plenty of wine to warrant bad behavior, so she knew she had to get out of Alex's apartment before she did something unwelcome. She was so attracted to the blonde and felt that she'd pretty much been given a key to proceed, but Olivia knew better than to assume that a little sordid story was enough evidence to say that Alex returned her affections. She was probably just trying to make Olivia feel more comfortable about her own situation. So, despite the wonderful vision Olivia had of kissing the attorney goodnight, she thanked Alex again and made her way down the elevator and into a taxi to return home with a mischievous smile on her face.

*****

Ch. 35

Alex took the last of her wine to the bedroom. She set the glass down on her nightstand and slipped out of her dress, hanging it up and tossed her hose to the laundry bin before pulling on a tank top. After washing up in the bathroom, she settled into bed, propping her pillow up against the bed frame and opened her nightstand drawer pulling out a copy of "The Corrections" by Jonathan Franzen and began reading where she had left off. She sipped her wine as she read and for a while, she was captivated by the story. As the hour passed, she realized that it was late, and that she needed to sleep. Alex put the book and her glasses aside and turned out the light.

As tired as she was, Alex was restless. All evening and without a tangible reason, she had been filled with the desire for sex. She allowed her thoughts to drift in the darkness, closing her eyes and moving her fingers down to touch herself over the soft cotton of her panties. Her mind wandered to the recent men she had dated, hoping to elicit fantasies of being with them again. Her mind flipped through the names and faces, skin and eye colors, trying to find one that would satisfy her waking desires. Alex roguishly toyed with herself, sighing into every touch, knowing what she wanted but unable to get the reaction she desired from herself. Had she drank so much wine that she was too tired? She hoped not as she bit her bottom lip and moved her fingers beneath the seams of her panties, needing to be more aggressive.

Her fingers found that she was as dry as a desert canyon and it frustrated her. She sighed again, annoyed that she couldn't achieve that which she had wanted so badly for the past several hours without having a distinct reason why. She had been on fire tonight and with no outlet around other than herself. A myriad of men and even celebrities passed through her mind, each doing dirty favors for her, but nothing could make her wet enough to accelerate her pleasure.

Alex relaxed her mind and her fingers. She tried to just let the fantasy come to her rather than forcing the thoughts into her mind. She breathed softly to herself, raising her other hand to her collarbones as her fingers below still tried to get her wet. Out of a tipsy unconsciousness, Alex's mind found herself seeing and touching Olivia's necklace on her couch. She touched her own collarbones as she had touched Olivia's, remembering how soft her skin had been. She quickly stopped her hand and opened her eyes to dismiss the thoughts she was having about Olivia, and looked around suspiciously as if some ghost could read her mind. Of course, no one was in her apartment. She lay quietly in bed, again considering the imagery that crossed her mind. Alex wondered what the harm was in just having a thought. It wasn't like anyone would know that she'd had it. She reassured herself that there wasn't any harm in thinking about Olivia sexually. It wasn't like she was going to act on the impulses.

She closed her eyes again and succumbed to the image of Olivia and her together on the couch, at first just seeing herself touch Olivia's collarbones, then reaching her hand behind the brunette's neck and pulling her into a kiss. The vision of her shorthaired colleague kissing her with those full, wonderful lips returned to her mind like it had when her date had mentioned it to her several months ago. Except this time, she didn't dismiss it. She wondered what it would be like to touch her and feel the strands of her hair through her fingers. She wondered what the inside of Olivia's mouth felt and tasted like. Alex intensified the fantasy by adding soft, innocent caresses to the detective's neck, shoulders, and back, all the while she played with herself, making herself hot and willing. She allowed the thought of Olivia's tongue to push through her own mouth, tasting the inside of her, and wrestling with the muscle within. Alex closed her eyes tighter and moaned to herself with the prohibited daydream.

Alex's breathing intensified when she felt her fingers get more and more moist from touching herself and she reached deeper to enter and leave herself, saturating her fingers with her own sex. Before she realized it, her mind had allowed her to let Olivia's body press against her, onto her own bed, leaving her wanting to know what it would feel like to have the other woman's naked breasts against her own. In her mind, Olivia kissed her madly and ran her hands through Alex's golden hair, which elicited a moan from Alex in her bed as she felt herself grow warmer and more wanting with each entry she made into herself with her long fingers. She breathed heavier and deeper, desiring something so forbidden that it made her hotter and wetter with every passionate touch.

How could she have missed such an obvious attraction she'd had towards the detective? Their work together was so intimate and their relationship was so rocky. The combination of these things in their relationship excited her. She wondered if the tension they felt between each other was more than mere work-related friction. Anything of a sexual nature between them seemed like impossibility on every level, but it enthralled Alex's mind and captivated her body. She desperately wanted to say Olivia's name into the silence of her own bedroom when she felt herself reaching ecstasy, stroking herself faster, but feared that if she said her name aloud that it would somehow no longer be just fantasy; that it would become real.

Her neck arched forward off of the pillow, bending her chin over her chest, and her thighs opened wider for her fingers to reach deeper inside as her leg muscles tightened, desperately wanting to come harder than she had in a long time. She clenched her teeth and groaned loudly as her fingers curled inside of herself, bringing forth such an orgasm that Alex called out Olivia's name in spite of herself. She breathed harder and penetrated herself harsher and waited again for a second orgasm to come over her like a trashing hurricane as she thought of Olivia's fingers being inside of her, fucking her, and locking those brown eyes with those perfectly arched brows onto her own piercing blue eyes. Alex's neck jerked forward in an aftershock of bliss before collapsing back onto the pillow. She opened her eyes and slowly removed her hand. She lay silently in her bed to slow her breathing and collect her thoughts.

Damn. Did I really just do what I think I did? She moaned, licking her lips and rolling over to her side, collecting the edge of her pillow into her hand. God, that was good. Perhaps a little too good. She said tightening her thighs to enjoy another aftershock between her legs. It could never happen, but the thought itself is amazing. Mmmm…Olivia is such a sexy woman. If only having her was as simple as this. Alex moaned again, closing her eyes and enjoying her secret, midnight reverie. Her eyes were too heavy to reopen. She felt the afterglow of her own lust drag her into a deep, heavy slumber.

*****

Ch. 36

Spoiler: Season 2, Folly (some material used from the show – no profit, just fun.)

Days thereafter, Cragen, Elliot, Olivia, and Alex stood outside of an intensive care unit looking in on the man that had tried to help crack their case regarding a couple that was hiring male escorts and attacking them, leaving many seriously injured, one in a coma, and another dead so far. Special Victims did not have the evidence necessary to arrest the woman at the head of the escort service who set up these encounters, but Alex had suggested that one of the escorts wear a wire to try and get information from her. The plan went south very quickly the night the man wore the wire and Detectives Benson and Stabler were unable to reach their informant before the woman attacked him, throwing boiling water to his face. They were all consumed with guilt in their horrible mistake of timing, judgment, and strategy.

The mother came out of the intensive care unit, wearing hospital scrubs and a medical mask, ready with ammunition for all of them. "How did this happen?" She asked, removing the mask. Cragen and Stabler informed her of her son's role in their case, and that the female suspect attacked him because she had found her son wearing a wire in order to retrieve crucial information for their investigation. "Who approved this?" She begged of them desperately.

Alex's heart sank below her stomach and her mouth went dry. She stood with her arms crossed and couldn't bear to even look at the mother, but had to. Elliot and Olivia exchanged glances as they all stood in silence. "I did." Alex confessed.

The world around her evaporated as she stared into the hospital room unable to fathom the amount of pain the man was in because of her decision. Cragen said something to his detectives, but she didn't register the words. Olivia gave her a quick glance, not particularly sympathetic, but she couldn't look back at her to know for sure. Alex was left alone outside of the room, clutching her arms together.

*****

Eventually, Alex returned to her office. She stopped at her secretary's desk and asked her not to forward any calls, no matter who it was, and that she did not want anyone to interrupt her unless it was an absolute emergency. Cecile nodded and watched as Alex went to her office, locked the door behind her, and shut the blinds. Later in the evening, the secretary noticed that Alex had not emerged from her office once. She knew what had happened of course, but there was nothing she could do, so she went home for the day without telling Alex goodnight as she always did.

Olivia had never seen Alex so shaken before. She always managed to keep herself detached and poised when it came to her work, and never took anything personally. She knew that what happened had pierced through her, and she worried that the guilt Alex felt about the man's traumatic event was going to butcher her conscience and willpower. Olivia tried calling her several times since she'd left the hospital to try and talk to her, but was always told by her secretary that Alex wasn't taking any calls and to try her tomorrow. That wasn't going to be good enough, so Olivia waited until around 5:30 to leave the precinct to check on Alex, hoping that the guard dog had left and that Alex hadn't gone home.

When she arrived, she saw that Cecile was gone, but Alex's office light was on. She approached the dimly lit office and tapped her knuckle against the textured glass in the door, softly at first. When she didn't get a response, she knocked again, a little harder, and put her ear against the glass to try and determine whether Alex was actually there. She heard barely audible shifts of motion and light footsteps approaching the door.

"This had better be a goddamn emergency." Alex snarled, unlocking the door and opening it a crack to see who the hell was bothering her. She still looked exactly as she had at the hospital. Olivia could see the hurt and pain buried behind Alex's stony expression, but there wasn't even a hint of tears in her eyes. When Alex saw that it was Olivia, she sighed and rolled her eyes. "What do you want, Olivia? To rub in my face that you were right and I was wrong?" She snapped.

"What? No, Alex." Olivia protested. She hadn't been expecting that kind of venomous reaction from her.

"Oh, come on. I know you didn't agree with my decision to wire him." She said crossly, refusing to open the door.

"I never said that." Olivia argued.

Alex stood silently in the doorway, sizing Olivia up. She was edgy and wanted nothing more than to take her anger out on the detective. "I know it's what you were thinking." Alex said, attempting to close the door on her, knowing that yelling at Olivia was not going to fix anything.

Olivia's hand caught the door and she wedged her foot into the jam. "That's not what I was thinking. Alex, I know that you're tearing yourself up about this, but we all are. It's not your fault."

"Like hell it's not!" She yelled with her eyes ablaze and shooting into Olivia's.

Alex's anger shocked Olivia. She knew she'd be upset, but she never expected Alex to be so nasty to her when she was only there to try and help. She had to change her strategy and relax her – and quickly. She assumed a calmer voice, "I just wanted to check up on you. As a friend. You don't have to go through this alone."

"Move your foot before I slam the door on it, detective. I want to be alone." Alex spoke between clenched teeth. If Olivia didn't leave her alone, she knew that all bets were off and that she would take everything out on her. Alex's eyes were bitter and glaring into Olivia's through the clear lenses of her glasses. Olivia removed her foot and Alex slammed the door, shutting her out.

Olivia sighed, trying to think of another way that she could comfort Alex. She was a pro when it came to sympathizing with victims, and Alex was, in a way, a victim of herself and her own emotions at the moment, but she was going to be a difficult woman to comfort. She also could sense that Alex wanted to take her anger out on her and she really didn't want to set herself up as a punching bag for Alex. She needed to tinker around with her tactics and translate them to meet her needs, but still approach her in a way that didn't patronize her. She had a feeling that exposing anything that Alex deemed a weakness in herself would surely set her off. She spoke to her through the door. "I think you should just talk about it, Alex."

"There's nothing to talk about!" She yelled from the other side of the door and across the room.

"You don't have to do this to yourself, Alex. We've all been there." Olivia pleaded through the door with her fingers interlaced, holding them up to her chest. Olivia heard the door click and she took a step back waiting for it to open.

"Why won't you just leave me in peace?" Alex asked, exhausted from her emotions. She leaned her head against the doorframe.

"Because I want to help." Olivia said, quietly and almost at a whisper.

"I didn't ask for your help, Liv." She retorted.

"Won't you at least let me come in? Just for a minute." Olivia begged.

Alex took a deep breath and sighed. She knew Olivia would not leave her alone no matter how many times she slammed the door in her face, so she decided to step aside and let her in. She returned to her seat at her desk with a frustrated groan and nodded over to the chair opposite of her desk inviting Olivia to sit next to her. Olivia closed the office door and then pulled the chair around the desk and sat down next to Alex. She sat with her legs apart and clasped her hands in her lap, leaning onto her knees, and looking up at Alex, waiting for her to talk when she was ready.

She wasn't sure if there was anything she could do for Alex other than listen and if Alex didn't want to talk, it was going to be a very quiet and emotionally charged evening, but she was okay with that. She wanted Alex to know that she could count on her as a friend and just being there with her was hopefully enough to establish that connection. Fortunately, even though Alex claimed she didn't have anything to talk about, she started talking.

"I ruined that man's life, Olivia." Alex said, sitting back against the comfortable chair.

"You need to stop that way of thinking. It's really not your fault. We all agreed to it. We all felt it was our best and only option given the circumstances. He knew what the risks were and he agreed to it."

"Not until after I guilt-tripped him to wear the wire. He wasn't going to do it until I convinced him otherwise." Alex leaned forward, her elbows on her desk, and her head in her hands. "I can deal with anything, but I don't know how to deal with this, Liv." She looked up at her. "I made an unforgivable mistake. And I'll probably be sued."

"Don't speculate on the what-ifs. You'll get through this." Olivia said calmly.

She looked back into Olivia's eternally sad and beautiful eyes that wanted nothing more than to help and console her. The compassion emanating from Olivia was something Alex was completely unfamiliar with and she didn't know how to deal with that either, having grown up in a world where emotions, particularly ones that expressed weakness, always came second to business and appearances. Alex's eyes were glistening, but no tears had actually fallen. She stifled them back and blinked multiple times to erase their existence and looked away from Olivia to her hands on her desk.

It broke Olivia's heart to see Alex so overwhelmed, but refusing to let it affect her. She didn't understand that kind of emotional reservation. "You're allowed to be upset, Alex." She said reaching her hand around Alex and touching her softly on her back for reassurance.

Alex let out a laugh in spite of herself and it brought about an emotional response that she could not have prepared for. Olivia's empathy was compounded with the sorrowful belief that she alone had authorized something that led to a man being permanently disfigured. The tears came back into her eyes from the depths of her soul and slowly dripped from her black lashes down her pale cheeks like melted candle wax. Alex never allowed herself to cry, especially in the presence of others, and had been resisting the urge all day, but she could not cease the tears from pouring from her unrestrained. She closed her eyes and tore off her glasses, carelessly throwing them to her desk. She fell into her hands and covered her face, then reached for Olivia with one of her tear streaked hands. Olivia clasped both of her hands around Alex's, and soothed her with a low, calming voice.

Alex got up from her chair to deny herself any feeling of comfort that she started to feel with Olivia and started pacing behind her desk, saying horrible things about herself between her sobs. Olivia gave Alex her space, but argued against every word. She reminded her that she was only doing her job and that she could have never predicted what happened that night. Alex stopped pacing after a while and stood in front of the shelf of law books behind her desk, looking over the titles as if she had been betrayed by her own knowledge, and cursed herself for not researching further to seek out an alternative method that wouldn't have resulted in anyone being harmed.

Alex brushed the last of her tears from her eyes with the back of her hand and leaned back onto her desk, standing next to Olivia, but she did not look at her. She shifted backwards to sit on the edge, still gazing at the books that could not help her. Keeping her eyes on the wall of books, Alex reached her hand down to Olivia and pulled her up from the chair to sit on the desk with her. Olivia sat next to Alex and looked towards the wall as well, wondering what Alex was thinking about in her trepid silence.

After a long pause, Alex sighed. "You're very good, detective." She said, putting her arm around Olivia's back and shifting closer to lay her head onto her shoulder.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked, hesitantly wrapping her right arm around Alex's waist, wondering if she was crossing the line with her, but trying not to be too over-analytical.

"You get people to talk and spill their hearts out whether they want to or not. I don't know how you do it and I've even seen you do it countless times back at your precinct." She looked up and caught her eyes and snickered. "Never thought it would work for someone like me, but I stand corrected."

Olivia shifted back and removed her arm from around Alex's waist to look at her directly. "That's not what this was about, Alex. I didn't come here to break you open like some kind of interrogation experiment. I respect your privacy, but I just wanted you to know that I'm your friend. I was worried about you."

"I know." Alex said, angling herself towards Olivia and wrapping her arms around her waist to embrace her. Alex lay her chin on Olivia's shoulder and looked out the windows towards the city. Without her glasses, New York was a blur of white and yellow flickering lights. God, she is so good to me; like no one I've ever known. Why couldn't this work? When Olivia reached around Alex to return the embrace and lightly caress her back, Alex felt another tear form in her eye and she instinctively blinked it back, then turned her face towards Olivia's neck and closed her eyes, having been thoroughly calmed by Olivia's kind and pure heart.

Olivia expected Alex to pull away to deny further emotion from expelling from her, but she didn't. She stayed leaning on her chest with her hands wrapped around her shoulders. Olivia impulsively reached down to run her fingers through a group of the woman's fair locks, pushing them back with tenderness so she could see her face to check on her and see if she was feeling better. Alex looked up and Olivia mistook her glance as an accusation of intrusiveness and withdrew her hand quickly. "That was inappropriate. I'm sorry."

Olivia started to move away from Alex on the desk, but Alex kept her grip on her shoulder and her eyes locked on Olivia's. "It wasn't inappropriate, Liv." She said, taking Olivia's hand up to her lips and kissing her knuckles. She released her hand and reached up to Olivia's cheek and closed her eyes before pulling her into a kiss. Olivia couldn't believe or register what was happening as her own eyes involuntarily closed as well. All she knew was that her lips were touching Alex's, tasting the salt from her tears, and when Alex opened her mouth slightly to kiss her again, she felt the soft wet skin of the inside of her lips. It was breathtaking. Olivia moved her hand under Alex's blonde hair and around her neck and kissed her again, opening her mouth ever so slightly to barely taste the tip of Alex's tongue. Closing their lips around one another, they prolonged their contact and held each other gently. When they parted, Olivia opened her eyes slowly, completely lost. She caught Alex's eyes, which were now softer and kinder than she'd ever seen them. "Thank you." Alex whispered, settling her cheek back onto Olivia's shoulder and leaning on her.

*****

Ch. 37

Olivia sat at her desk, her mind deep in thought as she fidgeted with a pencil, swinging it back and forth in a circle between two fingers, the way a drummer plays with their drumsticks. Her tension was more than she could bear and she refused to drink any coffee that morning, despite how much she wanted it, because she knew it would make her more jittery and she really didn't want to enhance her paranoid state of affairs. She could feel the caffeine headache creeping up on her as the morning wore on, and she thought about asking around for some Tylenol, but she didn't want to bring attention to herself. She had so many cases to review with Elliot that morning, but she kept reading the same sentence on the same page in the same file dozens of times over, and still didn't have a clue what case file she was looking at because all she could think about was kissing Alex the previous night.

And as much as Olivia had enjoyed the kiss, she felt horribly guilty about it. She knew that Alex had pulled her into the kiss, but she still felt as if she'd taken advantage of her when she was emotionally undone. There was no doubt that Olivia was attracted to the counselor, and she had even consciously made plans to somehow seduce Alex even though it went against her rule of not dating co-workers, but the guilt that she felt from last night was starting to tarnish that idea. The fact of the matter was that Alex was emotionally unstable last night and was just seeking comfort from Olivia and nothing more than that. The kiss probably didn't mean anything to her, at best. At worst, she'd regret it and their working relationship would quickly decline. She'd probably act as if nothing happened and Olivia would just have to swallow that pill and get on with her life and figure out how to work professionally around her regardless.

When the phone rang at her desk, Olivia nearly jumped out of her skin and the pencil between her fingers flew over her desk and nearly sideswiped Elliot's face.

"Jesus, what's with you?" Elliot asked, quickly dodging the pencil and laughing at her over the top of his case file that he had been reviewing.

Olivia sighed, humiliated, and answered the phone. "Special Victims; Detective Benson." She leaned over her desk and grabbed another pencil.

The call came in from another precinct, asking for assistance at a crime scene. The victim was bruised and naked, so there were assumptions of it being a sex crime. As Olivia jotted down the details of where to meet the homicide detectives, Alex came through the precinct doors exactly as Olivia had expected her to: as if nothing had happened. She had returned to her icy, emotionless demeanor overnight. Olivia looked up with the phone on her ear as Alex walked by, giving the detective a quick and indifferent glance, and kept walking until she arrived at Cragen's office and knocked on the door. He waved her in and shut the door behind her.

After hanging up the phone, Olivia put on her coat and told Elliot that they were needed at a scene. As Elliot put the file down and rose from his chair to put his coat on, Olivia walked to Cragen's office and knocked before opening the door.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt." She said to Cragen, but briefly glanced over to Alex, who was sitting in a chair in front of Cragen's desk. She still looked indifferent to her, which annoyed Olivia a little. She wasn't expecting a parade, but she thought that some kind of emotion either positive or negative wouldn't have killed Alex. She nodded quickly to her, "good morning, Alex."

"Morning, detective." Alex said, leaning onto her hand resting on the arm of the chair.

Olivia returned her gaze to Cragen. "El and I just got called out to a scene."

Cragen nodded. "What's the story?"

"Deceased young woman. They think she's maybe in her mid to late twenties. She was found bruised and naked down off of Canal."

"Okay, but you and Stabler have plenty of open cases right now, Benson. Are you sure you don't want Munch and Fin to handle this one?"

"Ah, yeah. We got it, Captain." Olivia scoffed, offended that he felt that she and her partner were overwhelmed and couldn't handle another case.

Olivia thought about asking if Alex planned to come back to the precinct later that afternoon so that she would have more time to talk with her privately, but she couldn't think of any reason why Alex would be back that day. She didn't have any specific case-related reason to call on her, nor did she have a reason to go and see her at her office. So she let it go for the time being and walked out of her Captain's office, and left the precinct with Elliot to canvas the scene together.

*****

The following day, Alex sat in a booth at the diner on the corner opposite of her office eating breakfast. It had been two days since she'd kissed Olivia and she was trying to come up with the nerve to contact her so that they could talk about what happened. Then again, the way Olivia behaved yesterday when she saw her led her to think that Olivia didn't want to talk about it at all. The insulting look she shot her when she came into the precinct had caught her completely off-guard. She started to wonder if she had offended Olivia by kissing her, but she had a hard time wrapping her mind around the idea that Olivia would find a kiss to be so offensive. She knew Olivia was attracted to her.

"Mind if I join you?" Elliot asked, interrupting her thoughts and standing above her at the table.

Alex looked up and smiled, setting her teacup down. "Not at all." She offered him the seat across from her with an open hand.

Elliot thanked her and sat down, folding his coat over the back of the booth since no one was sitting behind him. The waitress came over and Elliot ordered a pretty substantial eggs benedict breakfast, to which Alex raised an eyebrow at him, amazed at the amount of food he was about to consume.

"Where's Olivia?" Alex asked, scooping some of her scrambled eggs onto a piece of wheat toast.

"I don't know. Probably at home or on her way to the precinct by now." Elliot shrugged. The two discussed their cases and until the waitress dropped off Elliot's breakfast plate. He began to eat until his phone started ringing. He reached to his belt to unclip and answer it. "Stabler."

"Hey, it's me. I'm running a little late today. Just wanted to let you know." It was Olivia.

"Okay, Liv. I'm having some breakfast with Alex anyway." Elliot said with a wink to the counselor.

Alex's eyes widened, having not even thought about the possibility of Elliot knowing that she had kissed Olivia. Was that a wink of 'I know what's going on' or was that just an innocent wink of 'wait until Liv hears that we're actually having breakfast together'? She couldn't tell, so she dropped her eyes back to her breakfast plate and continued eating her breakfast, hoping to herself that Elliot didn't know about her and Olivia's kiss. She hadn't even talked to Olivia yet, but she couldn't be certain that Olivia hadn't opened her mouth to her partner. More now than ever, she needed to talk with Olivia.

"Alex?" Olivia asked her partner, perplexed and paranoid. Oh my god. Surely she wouldn't tell Elliot, right? No, she probably wouldn't, but what the fuck are they doing having breakfast together?

"Yeah, Alex. I just ran into her at the diner. Anyway, you want me to pick you up?" Elliot asked her.

"No, I'll meet you at the precinct." Olivia answered.

"Okay. See you then." Elliot hung up the phone and took a bite of his breakfast. "Boy, she's in a mood today."

"Is she all right?" Alex asked, wondering if Elliot could give her some insight on his partner.

"Yeah, she's fine. She's just been jumpy and a little bitchy lately, but don't tell her I said that." He said shaking his head at Alex. He took another bite of his breakfast. "Between you and me, Cabot," he cleared his throat, "I think she just needs to get laid."

Alex let out a laugh and quickly reached for her teacup to occupy her hands with something. Oh, Elliot. If I could make that happen today, I would.

"It's been a long time since Anya and her broke up, you know what I mean?" He indicated, raising his eyebrows and nodding his head at her to follow his train of thought.

Yeah, I have an idea. Alex didn't really answer Elliot, but smiled at him lightheartedly between sips of her tea, keeping her eyes down and her lips sealed.

"So…what's on your agenda today, Cabot?" Elliot asked.

*****

The rest of the day passed without any difference from the norm. If Alex and Olivia spoke at all, it was in the presence of others and always about a case they were working on concurrently. Olivia made one attempt to speak with Alex privately that afternoon, but Alex brushed her aside, telling her she had a seminar to attend on ethics and so she wouldn't be available in her office for the remainder of the day. Because Alex had not offered a better day or time in an effort to talk with her, Olivia accepted that the kiss had obviously been a mistake made by Alex, or both of them and that it was time to drop the subject. She was disappointed, but at least a little relieved that Alex didn't feel the need to add salt to the wound by telling her outright that it was a mistake, thus making their relationship a strained one.

On Thursday, Alex came by to drop off a search warrant due to its urgency. Elliot and Olivia were heading out to execute it when Alex stopped Olivia by grabbing her wrist. She had tried to get Olivia's attention all week and was getting frustrated with the stubborn detective. She was going to give her one last chance. Olivia looked down at the pale fingers wrapped around her wrist over her watch, then looked up at Alex, annoyed.

"A word, detective?" Alex asked, dropping her hand from Olivia's wrist.

"You just handed us a warrant. We need to go now, Alex." Olivia said, expressing the rush at hand, baffled by Alex's behavior. Certainly she knew they were going to conduct the search the second she gave them their documentation.

"I know." Alex continued, getting impatient. "But we need to go over your testimony one more time before you show up at my trial tomorrow morning."

My trial. Olivia laughed sarcastically to herself. She was amused that Alex felt that she owned these cases and the trials she conducted, as if she was the only one that worked on them. "We went over it already." Olivia disputed, putting on her coat and walking away towards Elliot at the door.

Olivia had truly pushed the wrong button. Alex was furious that she could be so flippant with her, as well as completely avoid and ignore her for days. It ticked her off that they had shared something so intimate on Monday, but Olivia was refusing to acknowledge or allow Alex to discuss it with her. She had poured her eyes out onto Olivia's shoulder because she trusted the detective and now she wouldn't even give her the time of day? She was fed up with Olivia's bullshit and was not going to be ignored a second longer. She angrily called out to her as Olivia approached the precinct doors. "When you're done with the search, I expect you to show up at my office, detective. It's an important trial tomorrow morning and I want all of the loose ends in your testimony to be tied up today." Olivia turned around to face Alex. She had finally gotten her attention. "If you don't mind."

Olivia's jaw dropped and her eyes lit up, hopefully burning a hole straight through Alex's heart. She was mortified that Alex would say such things to her in front of Elliot. "Yeah, Alex I think I do mind." Olivia snapped back at her. "You said my testimony was fine last week."

"Well, it's not. There's time that's unaccounted for, evidence that you collected on a search that was not included in the warrant…" Alex was just making shit up as she went along, but she'd had enough of Olivia's crap and decided to feed her some of it herself.

"What!?" Olivia screamed, taking a step closer to Alex, although still standing across the precinct from her. "Are you accusing me of sloppy work, Cabot? Because you damn well better –"

"No, I'm sure there's an explanation," Alex said interrupting her. "But that's why I need you to come by my office and just go over it one more time." Alex was still managing to keep her voice calm and low.

"But it was fine last week!" Olivia yelled back.

"It's not an option, Benson." Alex ordered her.

Alex is now making demands of me. She's going to regret that, Olivia thought. "I don't take orders from you, Alex."

"But you do take them from me, Olivia." Cragen said, coming out from his office after seeing the two women openly arguing with one another.

"Excuse me?" Olivia addressed her boss.

"If Alex needs to go over your testimony again, you can make the time to do so. We work on these cases together, remember?" He said, then turned to Alex as a mediator. "But you will have to wait until she gets back from executing that search warrant."

"That's what I asked of her in the first place." Alex argued.

"Asked?" Olivia jeered at Alex under her breath. "Hmph, I'd hardly call your demeaning request 'asking'."

"Come on, Liv." Elliot said, grabbing Olivia's elbow in an attempt to pull her away from the office so they could leave.

Olivia aggressively yanked out of his grip, glaring at Alex. She was aghast at how rude she had been to her in front of her entire unit. Olivia was so angry that she nearly didn't take the high road and was close to blurting out their little Monday night secret Alex clearly wanted to keep under wraps, but she didn't. "Fine." She conceded, bursting out of the doors following Elliot.

Elliot would not let Alex's comments go while they drove to where they would be executing the search. He couldn't believe she had been so rude to Olivia, and his biting commentary that it was "all about Alex" only made her angrier. As soon as she felt sure that CSU would be able to handle the scene with Elliot's supervision, Olivia left, taking their car and showing up at the attorney's building fuming. There wasn't a snowball's chance in hell that Olivia was going to let Alex get away with such abhorrent behavior against her.

*****

Ch. 38

Olivia stormed into Alex's office, walked straight past her secretary and slammed the office door behind her, which sent the attorney's blinds wafting and clanging against the windows. "How dare you speak to me like that in front of my unit!" Olivia screamed at Alex, approaching her desk forcefully. She perched her fingertips onto the desk, and leaned over Alex. "Do you have any respect for me at all?"

"Of course I do." Alex retorted, acting completely unfazed by Olivia's attack, but truly recognizing that Olivia was in a very threatening mood. She rose from her chair to be at the same level with her and came around to the side of her desk to stand beside Olivia.

"Then why did you feel the need to humiliate me like that in front of Elliot and my Captain?" Olivia took several steps forward towards Alex, which sent her backwards until she was pinned against the metal filing cabinets.

"Back off, Olivia." Alex barked, realizing she'd upset Olivia far more than she had intended to. Regardless, she did not appreciate Olivia's bullying attitude. Olivia took a step back after noticing that she was dangerously hovering over Alex with clenched fists. "It wasn't intentional," Alex continued when Olivia had given her enough space to breathe.

"Sure seemed intentional to me." Olivia sneered.

Alex looked directly at Olivia and Olivia furrowed her eyebrows back at her, expecting an apology. "Okay, so it was intentional," Alex admitted freely, "but you really pissed me off this week." Alex said taking a step forward to invade Olivia's space now.

"Me? I haven't done anything!" Olivia protested, backing away from Alex.

"That's exactly my point, Olivia." She said, leaning back onto the front of her desk with her arms crossed. "I trusted you enough to cry in front of you. You took the time to comfort me but then you turn around and don't speak to me for three days?! How the hell did you expect me to act?!"

It bothered Olivia that Alex was right, but she was still so angry with her for ordering her around in front of her co-workers that she refused to back down just yet. "I'm not the only one to blame here, Alex. You've been ignoring me all week too."

Alex smirked to herself, letting out a sarcastic chuckle. God, she is stubborn…even when she knows she's wrong! And she is far more volatile than I thought she was, but damn is it sexy, she thought as she walked back around to the other side of her desk and sitting down. She felt that Olivia might calm down easier if she gave her the upper hand and allowed her to be slightly dominant

Olivia glared back at her, completely unamused. "What the hell are you laughing at?" She snapped bitterly.

"Olivia, you have such a temper," she pointed out.

"Oh, and you don't?" Olivia challenged her.

"Have a seat, Liv." Alex asked, taking on a lighthearted tone and offering her hand to the chair in front of her desk.

"No thanks, I don't plan on staying long." Olivia said, crossing her arms in front of her, expectantly.

Alex interlaced her fingers, set them on her desk, and leaned forward to address Olivia. She needed and felt she deserved an apology from Olivia, but she also knew that Olivia would hold a grudge if she didn't apologize first and the last thing she wanted was for Olivia to hold something so trivial against her. "Okay, then I'll be brief. I am sorry for being rude to you this morning –"

"Are you?" Olivia asked.

"Yes, but –" Alex answered.

"Because you embarrassed – not to mention insulted – the fuck out of me, Alex." Olivia interrupted her again.

"I'll make it up to you, I promise. I –"

"What, with tickets to the symphony again?" Olivia was not going to let Alex complete a single one of her thoughts until she had gotten hers out first.

"If that's what you would like," Alex offered.

"Please." Olivia laughed, rolling her eyes. "I'm not going to go out with you again if you're going to treat me like some, naive little girl when we're working. I've been at this job a lot longer than you have, Cabot, and I think you'd better start respecting me and my work." She demanded Alex, pointing her finger at her to get her point across.

"I do respect your –" Alex started, gently pushing Olivia's hand away from her face, getting seriously annoyed with Olivia's inability to conduct a constructive conversation with her.

Olivia cut her off again. "Because I don't think –"

"Olivia! Will you let me speak?!" Alex yelled, smacking her hands upon her desk.

"That depends on what you have to say." Olivia said smugly, crossing her arms in front of herself again, but shutting up nonetheless.

Alex sighed. When she felt she had gotten Olivia's attention, she continued. "Liv, do you have any idea how difficult it has been to get you to stop fussing around long enough to come and talk with me? This isn't about your testimony; you're testimony is perfectly fine, I know that, but I've been trying to get in touch with you for days. You've been completely avoiding me."

"I've been busy." Olivia fumbled for an excuse. She'd thought that Alex was the one avoiding her, but now that she looked back on the past week, she might have been a little too hasty with placing all of the blame on Alex.

"And I haven't been?" Alex defied her. "Look. I am sorry for being so rude to you, but honestly, I was running out of options with all of the games you were playing. It was to the point where I figured that the only way I could get your attention was to tick you off."

"Well, it worked." Olivia sulked, not in the least bit pleased with Alex's tactics.

"I can see that, but you really upset me this week too. You said you were my friend." Alex sighed.

"I am." Olivia was starting to feel like a jerk.

"Then why did you do everything in your power to avoid me after I poured my heart out onto your shoulder? I never expected you, of all people, to be so…insensitive."

Ouch. Olivia cringed at Alex's words. "I'm not insensitive, Alex. I know I avoided you, but I thought you would tell me that you had made a mistake by kissing me. You looked like you had regretted it when we saw each other on Tuesday morning."

"It wasn't a mistake." Alex said, reaching one of her hands forward on her desk to Olivia, open and waiting for her to reach back for her.

"Maybe it was." Olivia suggested, not responding to Alex's gesture.

"How can you say that?" Alex asked, hurt all over again by Olivia's words, and taking her hand back. She'd felt such a passion in that kiss and knew with her entire soul that Olivia did too. She saw it in her eyes and she had wanted to see that look again for days. She couldn't bear hearing Olivia deny her obvious feelings for her like that. She couldn't tell if Olivia truly thought that their kiss was a mistake or if she was just saying that because of Alex's poor method in getting her attention today.

"I feel like I took advantage of you." Olivia looked down in an effort to avoid Alex's eyes.

"Oh please, Liv." Alex mocked her. "I'm a big girl and can take care of myself." She rose from her chair and went around to sit on the edge of her desk in front of Olivia. "And for the record; although I don't feel like you should need any reminding, I'm the one who kissed you."

"I know. I didn't mean to say that you couldn't take care of yourself, but –"

"But nothing." Alex cut her off. She sighed, setting her hands on either side of her skirt, placing them on her desk and leaned on them. She was going to have to work harder. She looked down into her lap. "Olivia, I'm not very good at this sort of thing. And I'm not very good at relationships. Most of the time, I try to avoid them, but…" her voice trailed off. She looked up to Olivia to catch her eyes and prove her sincerity, "I like being with you and I would like for you to give me a chance."

"A chance at what?" Olivia asked sarcastically, looking up to Alex as if she was testing her. As much as she wanted to date Alex, she was not about to let another relationship of convenience develop like it had with Anya. Olivia couldn't help but hear Anya's foreboding words regarding Alex and her assumed political intentions ringing in the back of her mind. Alex was going to have to offer her more honesty and openness than Anya had and she was going to have to give it to her right off the bat.

Alex's eyes dropped back down to her lap. It wasn't the first time she'd been faced with a brick wall, and she somewhat expected it to be that way with Olivia. She wondered how Olivia could flirt so shamelessly with her before, but now that there was a real possibility of them dating one another that she was being shut out. She hoped it didn't have anything to do with Anya, but she also realistically knew that the two had broken up not that long ago and even though she denied it, Olivia still probably had feelings for her. If she didn't have feelings for her, she at the very least knew that Olivia was going to be more self-protective after what happened between her and Anya. Alex was going to have to make Olivia forget about her somehow. She would have to offer Olivia something that Anya couldn't and that was her loyalty: her entire self.

Alex wondered if she could actually follow through on such a heavy promise. She couldn't deny her unbelievable attraction to Olivia, but she had her doubts and they mostly revolved around herself. She worried about her family, her career, and Olivia's. She wondered if they could work together and have an intimate relationship. She knew she was putting the cart before the horse in many ways, but the thoughts were still valid arguments that needed sorting. She looked back up at the detective and she saw the wariness in Olivia's brown eyes. She realized that Olivia had been waiting for an answer and when Alex hesitated, Olivia got up from the chair and walked to the door to let herself out. Alex stood up immediately and scurried over to her, taking her hand and calling her name, asking for her to wait. Olivia turned around to Alex, exasperated and tired of riding on Alex's emotional carousel.

Before either could speak, Alex's secretary buzzed into her office. "Ms. Cabot?" She called over the phone's intercom.

Alex cinched her eyes closed, and clenched the fist that was not holding onto Olivia's hand, having been duly reminded that she was at work and now was not the time to be discussing the feelings that she had for the detective. She dropped Olivia's hand. "Yes, Cecile?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but your meeting with the DA is in five minutes." The woman's voice spoke through the intercom.

Alex put her fingers up to her forehead and mumbled, "shit" under her breath. Alex hadn't forgotten about the meeting, but she had definitely lost track of time.

"I have to get back to the search." Olivia said, turning back to the door to leave.

"Wait!" Alex called out to her again. "Just…just give me one second." She said, raising her index finger to Olivia, urging her to stay. Alex organized her thoughts as she tried to prioritize the pressuring tasks at hand. Olivia sighed, but stood still by the door, biting her lower lip and shoving her hands into her pockets.

"Should I try and reschedule the appointment?" The secretary asked, still on the active speaker.

"No. Absolutely not. I'll be right there. Thank you, Cecile." Alex walked back to her desk and waited for the intercom light to turn off, leaving them with their privacy again.

"I really need to get going, Alex." Olivia said, impatiently.

"I know. But we need to talk about this." Alex spoke as she collected several documents to hurriedly prepare for her meeting. Alex was unable to locate a certain file and lifted and pushed papers around her desk, searching for it.

"I don't think –" Olivia started.

"Liv." Alex interrupted, looking up at her from her frantic search. She came around to the other side of the desk again. She spoke with her hands clasped together, slightly below her face. "I'm asking you for just a little bit of your time. That's it. Just come and get some coffee with me after work. Please?" Olivia kept her eyes to the ground, but nodded an affirmative answer to Alex before looking up and catching Alex's pleading eyes. Alex smiled before quickly turning back to her desk to try and find that file she needed for the meeting.

"Can I help you look for something?" Olivia offered to help, knowing Alex was in a hurry.

"I'm looking for a brown accordion file with a yellow indexing sticker on the top. It's got my witness depositions in it for that Mendoza case. The DA wanted to review them in our meeting." Alex browsed through her credenza to see if she'd misplaced it there instead of on her desk.

"You getting any closer to taking that to trial?" Olivia asked, taking a step forward to help Alex search for the depositions.

"One day. You know these things take time, Liv."

Olivia easily located the file beneath a stack of manila folders. She smirked at Alex as she handed the large file over to her. "Is this it?"

"Yes! God, thank you." Alex said, taking it and putting the other pages she'd collected into the file. Alex tucked the folder under her arm and rushed to the door to leave, but turned around quickly to address Olivia a final time. "There's a diner on the southeast corner across from this building. Can you be there by six?"

"I can try." Olivia shrugged, not knowing what else was going to unfold in her day, especially after finishing the search of the suspect's apartment.

"That's all I ask." Alex accepted. She anticipated seeing Olivia again, but was nervous about what their discussion would entail. She didn't have time to consider it any longer than that. She opened the door and walked out, leaving it open behind her for Olivia to leave. She walked briskly down the hall towards her meeting, her high heels clicking on the tiled floors. "Bring me something I can use from that search, detective." Alex called to Olivia over her shoulder. Olivia smirked and shook her head, watching Alex's blonde hair lightly bounce off of her shoulders as she turned the corner and walked into a conference room, closing the door behind her.

*****

Ch. 39

Alex stood outside of the diner in her long, light blue pea coat with her briefcase slung over her shoulder, waiting for Olivia as patiently as possible. She knew that there was a slight chance that Olivia wouldn't show up, either to avoid the situation or because something at work kept her from meeting with her, but she tried to be optimistic. She glanced at her watch. It was pressing 6:30. When she looked up again, she saw Olivia standing in front of her.

"Did you think I wouldn't show?" Olivia asked, noticing that Alex was checking her watch.

"You have a lot of work to do. I knew it was a possibility." Alex said, covering her wrist with the warmth of her coat.

"Are we going in?" Olivia gestured to the door.

"Uh, no. I think I'd rather walk over to Columbus Park if that's okay. It's not too cold out today." Alex answered. Olivia nodded and walked alongside of Alex on Baxter Street heading to the crosswalk. "So, did you find anything with that warrant?" Alex asked, starting off with a little small talk.

"Yes and no. Nothing like what we had hoped to find, but El and I sent some things to get tested at the lab, so we'll see." Olivia said, glancing over to Alex.

"Good. I think I'm going to need to do some kind of peace offering for Elliot after my little rant at you today." Alex said, turning to Olivia with a smile

"Yeah, you could say that." Olivia smiled back. "I won't lie; he's not very fond of you at the moment."

"I know. We had such a nice breakfast yesterday, too." Alex said, nodding. "Do you have any suggestions? I don't see him being the type to enjoy the symphony."

Olivia laughed, "No, I don't think that would work." She glanced over to Alex and caught her beautiful eyes. "Besides, I don't think I like the idea of you taking anyone else but me to the symphony."

Alex smiled at the detective and then looked forward again. "Do you really feel that way? I mean, earlier today you said that the kiss was a mistake. How do you really feel?"

Olivia shoved her hands into her pockets, getting self-protective. "I don't know, Alex. I think I need to hear it from you first, but before you say anything, I want to apologize for overreacting earlier today." Olivia sighed. She was so ashamed of her recent behavior towards Alex. "…And for refusing to speak with you for three days. I didn't mean to be so selfish. I'm sorry, Alex."

Alex nodded and accepted her apology with a quiet thank you. They approached the crosswalk and waited for the signal to change so they could continue walking across the street and into the park. She readjusted the strap for her briefcase before speaking plainly. "Well, I don't know how to approach this kind of subject delicately, so I'm just going to lay it out there for you."

"I would expect nothing less from you, Alex." Olivia said with a lopsided smile, and reaching to take the briefcase from her and draping it over her own shoulder.

Alex smiled at the helpful gesture, but then stopped walking and turned to Olivia, who also stopped. Alex glanced around and saw that there were a few people in the park, but for the most part, they were alone. "That kiss…" her voice faded. Alex felt herself losing her words and her sense of balance looking into Olivia's dark eyes, knowing she was waiting for Alex say the right thing. "It was amazing, Liv." Alex licked her lips to buy some time and consider her thoughts. "And I didn't kiss you because I was emotional, although I'd really not like to relive that part of the evening ever again. I kissed you because you're the most beautiful woman I've ever known, and the truth is that I think I've wanted to do that since I knew you weren't opposed to the idea of dating women."

Olivia looked down to the pathway, unable to fathom the weight of her words. She couldn't possibly be talking about me. She took a few steps away from the attorney and leaned up against a large oak tree behind her and propped one foot up against the tree in order to maintain a physical boundary between the two of them.

Alex took a step towards her, but didn't get too close. "Liv, I haven't wanted to date another woman since that one girl I knew in college. I really want us to try."

Olivia nodded, not necessarily in agreement, but more to express that she was listening to Alex and was processing her confession. She bit her lower lip out of nervousness and sighed, trying to be reasonable. "I'm flattered, Alex, I really am, but I just think that getting involved with each other is a bad idea. I don't see how it could work without jeopardizing our professional relationship."

"Olivia, be frank with me here." Alex said, taking on a more direct tone and approach. "Are you even attracted to me?"

Olivia laughed aloud. What a ridiculous question. She raised her chin to Alex and crossed her arms in front of herself. "You know I think you're beautiful." She said, pushing herself off of the tree and walking along the pathway.

Alex quickly stayed in step with her. "Then why are you resisting?" She appealed.

"Oh, I don't know, Alex. Maybe because not even a week after we kissed we've already started screaming at each other." Olivia said.

"I admitted that I instigated that. You were ignoring me. I won't do it again."

Olivia shot her a sarcastic smile. "Let's get real here, Alex. Those were raw emotions and you played me to the point where I was furious with you."

"I was not playing you, Olivia."

Olivia laughed, "Uh, yeah you were, Alex. You knew what would set me off and you did exactly what you needed to do to get me to eat the poison out of your hand. Besides, I went out with a colleague at work before and it was disastrous. I don't think I want to go through that again."

"I don't know anything about that, but every situation is different, Olivia. Why would you assume that we would be a disaster when you haven't even given us a chance?"

"You're really proving my point by arguing against everything I say, Alex." Olivia said with a lighthearted smirk to Alex. She spotted a bench and walked over to it and sat down, setting Alex's briefcase beside her on the bench.

"It's what I do for a living." Alex joked, as she sat down next to her. "But don't you think that there's a slight chance that we argue because we're frustrated about something completely unrelated to the topic at hand?" Alex asked rhetorically with a teasing smile.

Olivia laughed at Alex's joke, and took Alex's hand and held it inside of her leather jacket pocket. "That may be true." Olivia sighed, "But you know Anya did a number on me. If it's going to work, I think I just need some more time."

Alex had a feeling Anya had something to do with Olivia not trusting her. She didn't like Anya to begin with, but now she was really starting to hate Olivia's ex because she was impairing her ability to have a clean start of a relationship with Olivia. "I understand you are trying to get over what she did to you, Olivia. I do. But I can promise you the one thing that she couldn't."

Olivia turned to Alex, skeptical and nervous. "Oh? And what's that, Alex?"

"My loyalty," she said taking her hand out from Olivia's pocket and holding it to her heart. Alex's words were clear and simple, knowing that loyalty was the one thing that Olivia wanted to hear. Olivia didn't say anything in return, but the expression on her face softened. "I can promise you my complete honesty and loyalty, Olivia…"

Olivia heard her voice trail off, as if there was more to what she was going to say. She glanced at Alex, cocking her head to the side to try and read her. "But?" She raised an eyebrow to her, worried about what Alex's fine print would be.

Alex sighed, "But no one can know." Olivia snickered and shook her head, having seen that coming from a mile away. "Liv, please don't let that be more than what it is." She said, rushing her hand to Olivia's thigh, stopping her from getting up and walking away to address her more acutely. "It has nothing to do with the fact that we're women. I'm not the type to be ashamed of that sort of thing. But we have to work together and our careers are critical to us and to our community. We both take them very seriously." She clasped both of her hands around one of Olivia's. "We've worked our entire lives to get to where we are. Even you have expressed the potential jeopardy we'd put each other in at work by having an intimate relationship. If people know, then yes, our jobs could be threatened or at the very least be laced with prejudice. I can't give you that kind of openness for that reason alone…but I can promise you my loyalty."

"Don't you think that it would be easier if we just left it alone?" Olivia asked.

"I can't do that, Olivia." Alex said, scooting closer to her on the bench. She reached her hand to Olivia's cheek. She softened her tone and lightly ran her fingers through Olivia's hair. "I can't go the rest of my life not knowing what we could have had."

Olivia glanced down to her lap, melting into Alex's gentle, pale hand. "I want to believe you, Alex. I do."

"Liv, please –" Alex took Olivia's hand and gazed into her eyes. She dropped her hand to her lap, and Olivia slowly allowed her heavily lined eyes to meet with Alex's.

"I'm not saying no, Alex." Olivia said, brushing the back of her hand along Alex's shoulder and down her arm. She wanted to bring her into a kiss and toss all doubts aside, but knew that the consequences of such rash action would be great if she wasn't more cautious with her mending heart. "I want this as much as you do, Alex. Just give me a little time to think things over." She gave her a soft smile and kiss on the cheek before rising from the bench and heading back across the street towards the diner and her car, alone.

Alex sat back against the bench, pulling her briefcase from the other side of the bench over to her, and watched Olivia walk away from her without turning around once. Olivia was hung up on several legitimate points. Anya never shoved her into the closet, nor did they probably fight like she and Olivia could. She understood why Olivia was frightened by that intensity. She knew that Olivia had her reasons for keeping everyone at more than an arm's length away from her personal life and she wanted to respect that, and Alex understood that starting a relationship would threaten that comfort zone of loneliness that Olivia thrived upon. It was now in Alex's hands to advocate her viewpoint, and advocacy was Alex's chosen profession. She knew that she could win this trial presented to her by proving to Olivia that they could work without jeopardizing their own personal boundaries if she would just give them a chance.

*****

Ch. 40

Alex went home disappointed, but far from hopeless. If Olivia wanted time to think about it, she was willing to give her a little time, but not much of it and not without subtle reminders of what she'd be giving up if she chose not to give her a chance. Therefore, after giving Olivia the weekend alone with her work and her thoughts, Alex started the task of gaining her colleague's trust. Olivia was quite right in the fact that they were both very hot-tempered together if provoked and could argue with amazing passion. To counter this debate Olivia was stuck on, Alex needed to show her that she could be an equally affectionate person and along the way, she would prove her fondness for the detective in order to win her heart. It was certainly something she was unfamiliar with as she was usually the one being pursued, but she was motivated by the challenge before her and felt fairly certain that if she successfully swept Olivia off her feet, that Olivia would be unable to resist.

She started simple; at first just trying to regain Elliot's confidence in her because she knew it was important to Olivia. When she spoke to Olivia over the phone in an effort to get her to go out for dinner with her on Monday night, Olivia declined because she said that she and Elliot would have to work well into the night to help Cragen prepare for his appearance before the Commissioner the next day. Jumping on the opportunity, Alex called in an order of food from a steakhouse she was familiar with in the area and had it delivered to them at the precinct with a note attached for Elliot, apologizing for her previous actions and telling him to contact her if there was anything she could do to help.

Elliot was approving, but also suspicious of her move. He asked his partner if she had figured out Cabot and her motives yet. She told him no, but when she saw the satisfied smile come across Elliot's face after taking a bite out of the savory steak Alex had ordered for him, Olivia knew exactly what Alex was getting at. She smiled to herself and continued to work while eating her own meal that Alex sent to her, although she did swipe a few bites of Elliot's steak when he wasn't looking. He caught her once and nearly speared her hand with his fork before finally letting her go ahead and take the cut of meat for herself. After they finished eating, he spoke to Olivia about Alex, taking a break in his report for Cragen, and acknowledged that while he was baffled by the counselor, what she had done for them that night was selfless and thoughtful and he appreciated it. And so did Olivia.

*****

The following day, Alex sent her a letter enclosed in a case file via office courier to ensure that it went directly to Olivia and to no one else. She felt it was inappropriate to send her a letter in a real file that dealt with the polar opposite of romance, so she diligently created a fake file full of insignificant documents she'd created in law school that she found in her apartment the night before.

When the file came to Olivia in the morning, she opened it and immediately knew it was not one of her active cases because she saw that the documents were completely unrelated to one another. Baffled, she sat up and sipped her morning coffee, looking over the documents and wondering why the hell Alex had sent her the miscellaneous papers. She set her coffee mug down when she noticed a fine linen envelope among the papers with her name sketched on the front in blue fountain ink.

She used the mail blade on her desk to open the sealed envelope. As soon as she unfolded the linen paper within, several peach-colored rose petals fell from the paper, a few falling into her coffee mug, unbeknownst to Olivia. What the…? Olivia thought before reading the gracefully handwritten message.

"Know that as you read this, I am thinking of you. –A"

Reading the simple but heavy words in Alex's handwriting melted Olivia's heart and she brought her fingers to her mouth to cover a smile that broke across her face. She sighed to herself, knowing what she wanted to do, but still too worried and untrusting to allow herself to be happy so easily. What they wanted from one another was far too serious for Olivia to just fly off the handle to Alex with open arms.

She thought about Alex's words and wondered how realistic it would be for them to keep their relationship a secret. She wondered how they could work together without becoming biased or overprotective of one another if things really got serious. Such biases would distract them as well as impair their judgment at work. The way their jobs were set up was to balance each other out: one working in investigating, the other in prosecuting. If they became intimate with one another, it was inevitable that sides would be taken from time to time, even when it came to every day relations like her fellow detectives at SVU. Especially with Elliot since Alex and her partner rarely saw eye-to-eye, even less so than Olivia and Alex did. At all angles, other than the attraction she had towards Alex, a relationship between the two of them just seemed like a train wreck.

Olivia refolded the letter, returning it to the envelope and into a desk drawer. When Olivia drew the coffee mug back up to her lips, she stopped short when she noticed a few of the petals floating on top of the black liquid.

"I've heard of rosewater, but never rose-flavored coffee." Munch joked, passing by her desk. He snickered at her, but didn't pry. He hadn't seen what was written on the note, but he had seen her put it away and it was hard to miss the rose petals sprinkled all over her desk.

She picked each peach petal out of her mug and tossed them into the garbage, then swept her desk clean of the remaining petals, putting a small handful of them into the envelope with the letter before re-closing the drawer. After Munch had spread the news of Olivia's love note to Fin and Stabler when they came in that morning, it became increasingly difficult for Olivia to ward off their curiosities; especially when the subtle romantic gestures from Alex didn't cease.

*****

The following day, Alex left her office to grab a salad on the corner for a quick lunch. It was raining so she put on her coat and grabbed an umbrella from her secretary before heading out, not wanting to buy yet another umbrella from the corner merchants. As she approached the bodega, she spotted Olivia across the street, running to a crowded awning to escape the pounding rain. Seeing that Elliot was not with her, Alex took a detour from the shop and headed across the street to say hello.

There wasn't enough room under the awning so Olivia gave up trying to push her way in. She continued to walk down the block until the rain suddenly ceased as Alex had caught up to her, holding the umbrella over Olivia's head. "Hey." Olivia greeted Alex, slowing her pace now that she was protected from the rain. "Thanks." She said, looking up to the umbrella.

"It looks like I found you too late; you're soaked." Alex said, noting Olivia's condition. Even though Olivia probably didn't feel at her best being sopping wet and her make up disintegrating, she looked beautiful to Alex with the ends of her brown hair and eyelashes dripping from the cold rain.

Olivia shrugged, "I should be used to it by now. What brings you out in the rain?"

"Lunch." Alex replied. "Where are you headed?"

"I just finished so I was meeting up with Elliot down the block at our car." Olivia said pointing to the Irish-American restaurant on the corner.

"You don't eat together?"

"Usually, yes. But we needed a bit of a break from each other today." She said, raising her eyebrows, but not going into detail about whatever their scuffle had been about.

"Oh. Mind if I walk with you then? You shouldn't be in the rain without an umbrella. You'll get sick." Alex scolded her, walking with Olivia to ensure that the umbrella stayed above her head.

"I don't get sick." Olivia retorted.

Alex laughed. "Of course not."

"Thanks for sending that food over to us the other night, Alex. It was delicious. I meant to call and thank you, but we've just been so busy." Olivia said, walking in step with her so that the edge of the umbrella wouldn't bump her forehead or tangle in her hair.

"You're welcome." Alex smiled. "Did it go over well with Elliot?"

"Yeah. He really appreciated it." Olivia said with a grateful smile to Alex.

They approached Elliot and Olivia's squad car and Alex walked Olivia to the passenger side door. She looked towards the Irish restaurant to see if Elliot was on his way out. He wasn't in sight and Alex wondered how long he would be as Olivia didn't appear to have a key to get in.

Olivia ran her fingers through her hair to remove excess water, then looked to Alex who was standing in front of her, still holding the umbrella over her head. "I got your note." Olivia said, trying to keep her eyes down to avoid blushing. "I've been thinking about you a lot too." She confessed.

Alex smiled and angled the umbrella back just so to block any view from the restaurant windows. She stepped closer to Olivia, took her hand into her own, and placed a kiss upon her cheek. "Come and have a drink with me tonight, Liv."

"I want to…" Olivia hesitated.

"We've gone out before. I don't understand." Alex argued, but actively trying not to get frustrated with Olivia.

"It's different now. You know it is." Olivia said, dropping her hand out of Alex's and looking down to the puddle of rain forming at their feet.

"It's not different, Olivia. It's better." Alex said lifting Olivia's chin and leaning in to kiss her, tipping the umbrella back a little further. Olivia's long eyelashes fluttered against Alex's cheekbones until stilling themselves, accepting the kiss. Alex peeked for a half second to see Olivia's eyes closed and satisfied with their contact. She re-closed her eyes and deepened the kiss, gently touching her stomach with the tips of her fingers, hoping that Olivia would allow the forward gesture.

Olivia wanted to panic, knowing that Elliot was expected to walk out of the restaurant at any second and she couldn't believe that Alex was kissing her in public after telling her to keep their potential relationship a secret. But the second Alex's fingers touched her stomach and when she took a step closer so their bodies were lightly touching one another, Olivia breathed in Alex's sweet perfume that reminded her of magnolias and was instantly lost in their kiss. She opened her lips to kiss her again as she reached her hand under her blazer and gently held her back, curling then relaxing her fingers against the cotton shirt.

At that moment, a taxi came roaring by them, driving all too close to the street parking space where they stood, splashing filthy rainwater up Alex's legs. Alex broke the kiss immediately in shock, gasping and nearly dropping the umbrella. She stood frozen and wet with the oily, black water. "Goddamn it!" Alex shrieked, completely taken off guard. She bent over her to see if her beige pants had been ruined. They were definitely soiled, but not beyond repair.

"Oh, Alex." Olivia said, sympathetic.

"Fucking taxis." She cursed under her breath. "They do that shit on purpose, I know they do." She accused.

Elliot emerged from the restaurant and walked to the parked car where he saw Olivia and Alex standing under an umbrella by the passenger side door. "Alex, what are you doing here?" He said, unlocking the door for Olivia to finally get in.

"I was out getting some lunch, but I think I'll be going home to change now." She said, stepping towards the sidewalk once Olivia had ducked into the car.

Elliot scrunched his eyebrows at her, wondering why she'd be going home so early in the day, but then noticed that the bottoms of her pants were wet and dirty. "Taxi?" He asked, knowing he'd been splashed by a racing taxi more than a dozen times in his life. Alex nodded.

"We'll give you a ride then." Elliot offered.

"Thanks, but I don't live anywhere near here, Elliot." Alex protested. "I don't mind taking the subway."

"Don't worry about it, Alex." Elliot said, opening the backdoor for Alex to sit behind the driver's seat. "Get in." He said with a nod towards the car. Alex stepped into the backseat and sat down. Elliot opened the front door. "Liv, you mind driving?"

"Why?" Olivia asked, having gotten comfortable already.

"Because you know where she lives." He said, closing the door and coming around to the passenger side.

Olivia scooted across the front of the car and settled into the driver's seat, glancing into the rearview mirror and catching Alex's eyes looking back at her. The entire drive uptown to Alex's apartment was not without conversation, but Olivia wasn't really paying attention. The only thing on her mind was the static building between her and Alex. She kept glancing into the mirror and almost every time, Alex's eyes were peering back at her, sparkling like sapphires. As much as she loved Elliot, she wanted to open the passenger side door and kick him the hell out so that she and Alex could continue their drive back to her apartment alone. As she thought about it more, she snickered quietly to herself and looked back into the mirror to Alex before rolling her eyes with a slight nod to Elliot then back to Alex, indicating that she wished he'd bail on them. Alex picked upon Olivia's intentions and smiled in agreement with her.

When they arrived at her building, Olivia wished she had an excuse to go up with her, just for even a second, but she didn't. She and Elliot were expected elsewhere that afternoon and they were already running a little late as it was. Alex's doorman helped her get out of the car, and she turned to thank them for the ride. Olivia gave her a quick wink and Alex smiled back before heading up to her apartment to change.

*****

Ch. 41

After their tense drive back to Alex's apartment, Alex knew Olivia was giving into her feelings for her. Olivia had still turned her down for drinks though, so today Alex knew that she would have to start breaking her own rules in order to prove to Olivia how serious she was and that "no" was no longer an acceptable answer. She needed to show her that what she felt for the detective was not just a physical, fly by night attraction. In all of Olivia's stubborn glory, Alex was starting to fall for the detective and as every day passed, she increasingly wanted to be with her. Therefore, on Thursday she decided to get old fashioned on Olivia and send her a bouquet of stargazer lilies directly to the precinct. In a unit that was mainly comprised of men, the delivery of flowers was exceptionally rare so when they arrived, all heads turned.

"My, my, Olivia, you shouldn't have." Munch said, admiring the fragrant flowers being held by the deliveryman in the doorway.

"Oh, you know me. I'm such a romantic at heart." Olivia laughed at him, returning to her work, but having a pretty good feeling that the flowers were for her.

The college-aged deliveryman looked to his clipboard for a name. "Is there an Olivia…Benson here?" Thoughts confirmed, Olivia slowly raised two fingers in the air, thus indicating to bring the flowers to her.

"Well, you might not be a romantic, but someone sweet on you sure is." Munch replied.

The man set the lilies in the center of Olivia's desk. When he left, Olivia spotted Elliot staring at her with a sly smirk across his face while going through his inbox. He was dying to know who had bravely sent her flowers to a room full of men that drooled at the notion of learning the slightest detail about Olivia's personal life. Olivia knew all too well who had sent the flowers, but she still reached for the card embedded between the sweet-smelling blossoms.

"So who's the lucky guy?" Fin asked, walking over and sitting on the corner of her desk, trying to catch a glimpse of a name on the tiny card that Olivia held tightly against her chest before slipping it into her pocket.

She looked up at him and bat her eyelashes playfully. "Who said it was a guy?"

"Oh my bad, 'Livia." Fin remarked, sliding off of her desk and raising his hands defensively. The other two male detectives laughed and accosted her with a crescendo of inappropriate locker room commentary, knowing Olivia could take the heat and throw it back with the best of them until Cragen came out of his office in a huff, noticing that the men were all surrounding Detective Benson's desk, and that none of them were working.

"What's going on out here?" He asked with his hands on his hips.

"'Livia got flowers from some chick." Fin remarked shamelessly, to which Olivia dropped her head to her hand in an effort to hide, fully regretting her previous smart remark.

"Well, unless that someone has anything to do with investigating the suspect that's reaping havoc out on the city of New York right now, get back to work." He ordered.

Thank you. Olivia thought to herself, for once relieved that Cragen's angry outburst had resulted in interrupting her fellow detectives' prying.

"Munch, Fin…don't you have somewhere to be right now?" Cragen continued, pointing to his watch and returning to his office.

Fin nodded over to Munch and the two exited the precinct. Elliot also returned to work. Olivia reached into her pocket to retrieve the card and opened it behind a file in front of her so that Elliot couldn't see what she was doing.

"Give us a chance. –A."

Olivia's cheeks flushed. She quickly rubbed her face with her hands in an effort to blanche out the pink coloration and get back to her work before Elliot noticed. Despite Cragen's scolding of the squad for not working, the day was slow, and it was going to be difficult for Olivia to focus now that Alex had sent her the flowers. The scent of the lilies permeated the entire room so even when she got up from her desk, a reminder of Alex's feelings for her was all around her. Alex was really outdoing herself with her courtship of the detective. She had done some of the most romantic, flattering things Olivia had ever experienced, but the fact that it was all coming from Alex - a woman who seemed to always keep her heart and emotions at bay - was beguiling.

About an hour later, Munch and Fin returned to the precinct and were questioning a suspect for one of their cases. Munch exited the interview room after a few promising minutes and asked Cragen to call Alex. Moments later, Alex came in wearing what appeared to be a new, cream-colored suit. She passed Olivia, who was standing by her locker, putting up a few files to take home with her, and walked straight over to Elliot.

"Hey, Elliot." He looked up at her and nodded. "What interview room are they in?"

"Who? Munch and Fin?" He asked.

"Well, obviously not you and Olivia." She remarked with a laugh.

He snickered back, not entirely amused by her sarcasm, but not turned off by it either. "Room 2."

Alex nodded at him. "Thanks." She noticed that Olivia had gotten her flowers and watched her return to her desk, taking a seat. "Nice flowers, Olivia." Olivia's eyes shot up to her, trying not to act surprised or nervous in front of Elliot who could read her like a book. "You have a secret admirer we don't know about?" She asked, reaching to her desk for the card that Olivia had left by her keyboard, but back in its tiny envelope. She leaned back on the desk opposite from Olivia's and crossed her ankles.

"Uh…" Olivia stammered as Alex started to open the envelope while watching her squirm at her desk trying to think of something to say.

"I thought you weren't seeing anyone." Elliot interjected.

"I'm not." Olivia said, snatching the card back from Alex and putting it into her pocket.

"Well, someone sure is romancing the hell out of you, Liv." Elliot said with a chuckle. "I should be taking notes. Kathy would be begging for a fifth child if I did half the stuff this person has done for you in the past few days. What's the problem?"

"Yeah, what's the problem?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow to Olivia.

"I think both of you need to mind your own damn business." Olivia returned both of their penetrating gazes with a playful glare.

Alex snickered and got up from the corner of the desk to walk towards the interview room. She smiled to herself. She was close. She could feel it, but right now she had to get back to work.

When she returned from watching Munch and Fin interrogate their suspect, which resulted in a satisfying arrest, she approached Olivia, who was back at her locker gathering her things to go home.

"You look nice." Olivia acknowledged, scanning her quickly as to not be noticed by her colleagues who were still present.

"Thank you." She saw the look Olivia gave her and it boosted her confidence. Now she just had to push the right button, right now, and Olivia would surely give in to a date.

"Got a date tonight or something?" Olivia asked, pulling some things from her locker.

"That all depends." Alex said, hushing her tone.

Olivia laughed, "On what?"

"On you." She whispered so no one around them would hear.

Olivia looked around to see if anyone had heard her before leading Alex further down the hall so they could talk somewhere a little more private. "You're really starting to push that envelope, Cabot. First you send me flowers and now you're asking me out not ten feet away from my partner? I thought you didn't want people do know."

"What's to know? You won't go out with me." Alex teased. Olivia pursed her lips and shook her head at Alex. "Do you like the lilies?" She asked with a smile.

"Yes, of course I like them." Olivia thanked her with a smile. "But you have no idea how close you came to outing yourself."

"It was a risk I was willing to take." Alex sighed. "Never in my life have I had to work so hard to get a date with someone. You'd better be worth it, Olivia Benson." She wagged an accusing finger at the detective.

"Don't get cocky; I haven't said 'yes.'" Olivia said, smiling and folding her arms over her chest.

"Oh, you will. I'm not letting up until you do, Liv, so you might as well surrender."

"That sounds an awful lot like harassment, Alex. I could have you arrested." Olivia played back.

"Good, I'll sign off on the arrest warrant myself. A holding cell was not the kind of date I had in mind, but it'll do if that's your best offer."

Olivia laughed and shook her head. "You're incorrigible."

"Yes I am, so stop making me beg. It's not becoming of me."

"No, it definitely isn't." She joked with a smile. She looked up into Alex's blue eyes and sighed. "But that suit is." Olivia smiled. "Would you have dinner with me tonight?"

"I thought you'd never ask." Alex said with a wink. "Do you have someplace in mind?" Olivia nodded. "…And where would that be?" She asked.

"Well, would you mind if we didn't go out? I mean, you've been so patient with me. I was thinking that maybe I'd cook for you."

Alex raised an eyebrow at Olivia's suggestion. "Really?" Alex asked with a smile. She never pictured Olivia to be much of a cook, but the chance to be alone in Olivia's apartment was not an opportunity she was going to turn down. "I don't know, Olivia, are you a decent cook? As you well know, I'm pretty picky." Alex teased.

Olivia laughed. "I know my way around the kitchen, thank you, and I'm prepared to handle even your harshest criticism. Although, I'm not expecting to hear any." She added with a playful sneer.

"Duly noted." Alex said, impressed with Olivia's confidence. She gathered Olivia's files from her hands and put them into her own briefcase to help. "Lead the way, detective." Alex followed Olivia to the exit, both of them bidding Elliot a goodnight on their way out.

Elliot briefly glanced up and waved goodnight to Alex and Olivia, a pencil in his mouth, and then returned his eyes to his computer screen to complete the task at hand before returning home to Queens.

 *****

Ch. 42

After making a quick stop at the grocery for a few items, they arrived at Olivia's apartment. Upon entering, Olivia set the large paper bag on her kitchen counter and returned to Alex at the front door to take her coat. She saw Alex glance around her apartment and she did the same, realizing that it wasn't nearly as immaculate as the attorney's apartment, but it wasn't a pigsty either. Although, maybe I could have thought ahead and picked up a bit more before inviting company over, she thought. After hanging up their coats, Olivia walked back to her kitchen. She pushed the sleeves of her maroon knit top up her arms and reached into the bag to begin making dinner.

Looking around Olivia's apartment, Alex realized how completely different their worlds were. Alex had pictures of her family everywhere, whereas at a first glance Olivia didn't seem to have any other than one picture of her and her mother when Olivia was younger. Alex was also one to be very proud of her accomplishments. Any awards or degrees she had earned were framed and on display somewhere in her home or office. She noticed that Olivia had dozens of plaques and framed awards honoring her work with the NYPD, but they were all tossed aside in an old brown box in the corner of her living room, rather than being hung on the walls.

The one thing that was similar was that they both had nice taste in art, but some of Olivia's chosen art seemed to be a subtle reminder of her own sadness. The one Alex was taken by the most was one of Hamlet's Ophelia. She glanced over to Olivia, who was starting to boil water and preheat the oven in the kitchen. She wondered if her friend felt a comparable level of despair as the fictitious Ophelia experienced, or if Olivia just liked the artwork itself. In spite of her wanting to believe that beneath it all, Olivia wasn't as dark as she appeared, deep down Alex knew that Olivia's melancholy was unlike anyone's she'd ever known. She didn't understand it, but it was always present; even when Olivia was seemingly happy or smiling. She knew that Olivia's job itself would put anyone through an emotional wringer, but she also knew there was more to it. It seemed to consume her completely. Alex selfishly hoped that she could somehow bring a little light into the woman's life.

Alex walked over to a large window that overlooked the street below. On the windowsill outside, she noticed a flower box full of dead flowers and completely overgrown with weeds. "Nice flowers, Liv," she remarked sarcastically with a laugh.

"Give me a break, Alex." Olivia joked, pouring some jasmine rice into boiling water. "I can cook, you expect me to be a gardener as well? And it's winter for crying out loud; the flowers were bound to die."

"I know, I'm only teasing." Alex said, walking away from the window and coming into the kitchen to be with Olivia. She sat on a barstool opposite Olivia, who was placing their honey-ginger marinated salmon filets into a glass baking dish before tossing them into the oven. "Although, you could toss the dead flowers and soil into the garbage and try again this spring." She suggested.

"I could, but I'm probably not going to." Olivia replied, pulling a towel from a cupboard and wringing her hands between the folded linen before tossing it over her shoulder.

"Can I help?" Alex offered.

"No, of course not." Olivia replied. She turned to Alex and leaned onto her elbows. She was so happy to have Alex in her home. She knew that the commitment to silence would be difficult for her to maintain, but she also felt that if anyone was worth such a sacrifice, it was Alex. She reached her hand across the bar and curled it under Alex's hair, lifting her off of the barstool and into a kiss. Alex eagerly brought her hand up to Olivia's cheek and gently held her as she pressed her lips back upon the detective's. Olivia slipped her tongue beyond her teeth and into Alex's mouth, touching and teasing her tongue.

Alex felt her stomach tie itself into knots at the sensation. She lost herself in the delicate but deeply provocative taste of Olivia's tongue inside her mouth. She gently moved her hand around Olivia's neck and twirled her fingers around the soft tendrils as she pulled Olivia's tongue deeper within her. Kissing her took her breath away. She could not recall a kiss so passionate or honestly loving as the kiss she now shared. She thought about how she had not kissed another woman in such a long time, but she didn't remember it being as thrilling as this was.

Gradually, Olivia sealed her lips around Alex's before breaking away. She gave Alex a shy smile before kissing her again, briefly. "I'm glad you came over for dinner tonight." Olivia said before turning around to start boiling some water for the asparagus.

Alex was lost in the clouds after kissing Olivia. "Me too," she whispered, watching Olivia and noticing that her curves were exquisitely beautiful. Clearing her throat and bringing herself back down from cloud nine, Alex continued. "I never thought you were the type to enjoy working in the kitchen. Where do you find the time?"

"I don't, normally. But I wanted to do something nice for you. No one has ever romanced me like you have this week." Olivia admitted.

Alex smiled, proud of her achievements with Olivia as well as being genuinely flattered by her willingness to cook for her. "Ah, so I was breaking through days ago. You just purposely didn't reciprocate?"

"You could say that." Olivia said over her shoulder with a quick smile to Alex before returning her attention to the cutting board, preparing the asparagus. "I was just seeing how long you'd keep it up. It was nice being spoiled."

"There's a lot more where that came from, Olivia." Alex said, walking over to her side at the stove and giving her a kiss on the cheek. She opened the refrigerator door and started rummaging around.

"What are you looking for?" Olivia asked, smiling to herself from the warmth of Alex's kiss on her cheek. She dropped the cut asparagus into the pot of boiling water to lightly cook and put the towel on the counter.

"The wine you bought at the store. I found it." Alex said, pulling it from the fridge.

"I'll get it, Alex." Olivia took the wine from her hands. She set the bottle down and grabbed a couple of wineglasses and a corkscrew to open it. After the bottle popped open, she poured each of them a glass and handed Alex hers first. After taking a sip of her wine, she set the glass down and leaned against the counter, waiting for their meal to cook itself. "Why don't you take off that jacket. You're not in court, you know, and my apartment doesn't have a dress code."

"True." Alex answered, removing her ivory blazer, which revealed a pressed midnight blue button down shirt that was tucked into the waist of her skirt. She draped the blazer on the back of the barstool and kicked off her heels, pushing them under the chair. "But you're not out on the streets, yet you're still wearing your badge and that gun."

Olivia looked down at her gun holster as she stirred the asparagus spears in the boiling water, adding the slightest pinch of salt. "I don't even think about it being there." She laughed, looking over to Alex. Her eyes got caught up in the sight of Alex's dark blue shirt, the buttons straining to stay secured over her breasts. Oh, fuck. I shouldn't have told her to take off that blazer. Not that the shirt she's wearing is all that revealing, but…uh… I need to distract myself. She looked away. "Does it make you uncomfortable?" Olivia asked Alex about the gun, but saying the words confirmed that she herself was growing increasingly uncomfortable around Alex. She knew why she'd invited her back to her place. It was for privacy, right? It wasn't because she wanted to take the woman to bed with her. Olivia grabbed a cooling rack and set it out in preparation for the oven buzzer to go off and then looked back to Alex. Oh, who am I kidding? She admitted to herself with a smirk. There is no way that I'm going to let Alex leave tonight without that blouse coming off first.

"No, of course not." Alex replied, watching Olivia drop to her heels to check on their salmon filets in the oven. I find it just about as sexy as you are right now, Olivia, nervously fidgeting around and looking for something to do in order to avoid standing next to me. "But it doesn't look comfortable, especially after wearing it around all day."

Olivia rose to her feet and turned to Alex with a shrug. "I'm used to it."

Alex took a step closer to Olivia; she just wasn't getting her point across. She boldly tucked her fingers underneath the leather of Olivia's belt and tugged her away from the stove. While weighing her eyes deep into the dark ones above her, she gently pulled Olivia against herself and moved her thumbs slowly along Olivia's belly to the belt buckle.

Olivia stopped breathing at the touch of Alex's fingers beneath the seam of her slacks and felt overcome from Alex's contact. "Or it can come off, I guess." She nervously squeaked out.

Alex smirked at her, still locking their eyes, as she laced her fingers around one end of the belt. She pushed the leather under the metal buckle then pulled it taut in order to unhinge the strap until it came loose. She pulled the end with the buckle until it got caught on the clips that were attached.

"It won't come off that way, Alex." Olivia said with a crooked grin, taking Alex's hands and guiding them to one of the holster's snaps under the leather belt. Olivia removed her own gun holster and watched Alex's fingers work at removing her badge clip for her.

Alex kept her eyes down as she carefully unsnapped the holder for the officer's badge. She was so close to Olivia and all she could think about was touching her. She looked back up and handed Olivia her badge to set on the counter behind them, but held onto Olivia's belt to prevent her from stepping away. You're killing me, you know that right? Alex thought, as she re-hinged Olivia's belt and tucked the strap back through the silver buckle.

When Olivia stepped away, Alex felt her mind drift, wishing she had risen to her toes to kiss the slightly taller woman when she was standing before her. She wanted so much more than kisses from Olivia though, and wondered if Olivia wanted the same from her. She wanted to feel Olivia pinned against her and she wanted to feel her hands rushing down the front of her blouse. She wanted her to dip her fingers between the buttons and undo them until she could slip her hand underneath to touch her breast. She had waited and wanted Olivia for weeks now and she was having a hard time keeping her mind out of the bedroom and in the present tense. Surely Olivia wouldn't make her wait any longer than tonight.

The oven timer went off, which unfortunately snapped Alex out of her fantasy. She had let her imagination run wild and was clueless as to how much time had passed as she stood there in the kitchen sipping her wine and daydreaming. Jesus, Cabot, pull yourself together.

Olivia glanced in her direction with a puzzled look. "You all right there, Alex?" Alex nodded sheepishly, realizing that Olivia had noticed her daydreaming. Olivia left the stove and gave Alex a kiss while touching the ends of her blonde hair tenderly. "Thought I lost you there for a minute."

"It's been a long week, I guess." She answered, embarrassed.

Yeah whatever, Alex, Olivia snickered to herself, knowing exactly where she'd lost Alex to. She'd caught her staring at her, but was intensely satisfied that her night with the counselor was going exactly as planned. She handed her gun and badge to Alex. "Would you place these on the coffee table for me while I get everything finished up?"

"Sure." Alex replied almost at a whisper as she carefully walked the items over to the living room. When Alex returned, she took their wine glasses to the table. She went to the kitchen again and searched through the multiple drawers for silverware. As she set the table, she noticed that Olivia had a very nice tree-like candleholder in the center of the table with unused tea lights. In fact, it didn't appear to have ever been used. "Do you have any matches?" Alex asked.

"For what?" Olivia asked while placing a filet on top of the rice.

"To light these beautiful, but horribly neglected candles." Alex joked.

Olivia laughed, "Yeah, over here in this drawer." Olivia said, nodding to one of her kitchen drawers. Alex walked over and pulled out the matches. Olivia snickered at her and grabbed her by the hips before she was able to walk back to the table. "That's pretty romantic for a first date, Alex," she whispered into her ear.

Olivia's words resonated within her like velveteen and sent goosebumps up her spine. She embraced Olivia's hands around her stomach and craned her neck to catch Olivia's dark eyes. "Technically, it's not our first, Liv." She remarked.

Olivia kissed Alex along her neck before letting go of her so she could light the candles while she dumped the dirty pots and pans into a sink full of soapy water. Soon after, Olivia brought over their meals which were piping hot on the plates. She set them on her small table that was in front of a big window and returned to the kitchen again to fetch the bottle of wine and some bread. Since Alex had lit the candles, she dimmed the kitchen light before sitting opposite Alex at the table.

Alex looked down at the wonderful meal that Olivia had so diligently prepared. "Thank you for dinner." Alex spoke quietly, taking a first bite and seeing that everything was cooked amazingly perfect. The salmon flaked apart with the slightest touch of her fork and the honey and ginger flavors melted into her mouth.

"You're welcome." Olivia said, waiting to hear Alex's reaction.

"I'm impressed, Liv. This is very good." Alex said, catching Olivia's shy smile from across the table.

"Ah, the Cabot Stamp of Approval. I'm flattered." Olivia said with a tip of her wine glass towards Alex before taking a drink.

Alex laughed. "I could never make anything like this. I can't cook to save my life. Did your mother teach you?"

"Uh, not exactly. It was just her and I growing up and someone had to cook and it sure as hell wasn't her. I mean, she attempted to when I was really young, but when I reached a certain age, I just could not eat another bowl of mac 'n cheese or can of Chef Boyardee." She said with a laugh. "I just had to figure it out, I guess."

"Well, you've come a long way, Olivia. This is amazing." Alex said, fully appreciating the kindness of the romantic meal she'd prepared.

Their conversation throughout dinner flowed easily, despite both being well aware that tonight was their first official date, and being in the privacy of Olivia's apartment at that. They discussed work a little, but mostly they allowed each other to ask more personal questions. It pleased Olivia to know that she'd impressed Alex, and she thoroughly enjoyed having her in her home. Physical attraction aside, Olivia was really starting to enjoy Alex's company and looked forward to getting to know her more as time went on.

 *****

Ch. 43

After dinner, the two remained at the table drinking wine and talking until one by one, the candle lights went dark and at which time, Olivia finally got up to put the dishes in the dishwasher. Alex had enjoyed being waited on by Olivia all through dinner, but enough was enough. When she saw Olivia at the sink, she got up from the table and pushed her to the side and insisted on at least washing the pots and pans for her. Olivia reluctantly allowed it and stood behind her as she watched Alex test the water temperature numerous times with the tips of her fingers before wetting a sponge on the edge of the sink.

She gazed at Alex's fingers as the cloudy stream of water flowed between them, thinking about how she had so carefully touched her earlier when removing her badge. Olivia had always found the counselor's hands to be beautiful. The way she moved them when she talked. Even when she used them in an abrasive manner, ordering people around or crossing a witness on the stand in court, Olivia found herself watching those hands and wanting them to touch her. She watched them now as she prepared to wash the dishes. They were finally alone in her apartment and the way the water moved over Alex's hands made Olivia's center become warm. She couldn't fathom how something so completely mundane could spark a tension of ungodly proportions, but the anticipation of having Alex touch her was unbearable.

Alex could feel Olivia was watching her and she too felt the tension in the room escalate. She didn't understand why she was suddenly so nervous when they had conversed so freely together all evening long and had even kissed so passionately earlier. But something told her that when she kissed Olivia again tonight that she would not be able to stop herself from being completely possessed by the passion between them. And she wanted it. She wanted Olivia to kiss her and take her to bed. She wanted to take the initiative and do it herself, but the silence and static brewing between them resulted in a complete loss of nerves for Alex.

Lucky for her, Olivia didn't give Alex the opportunity to clean a single dish before she set her empty wine glass down and walked forward to the counselor. She reached around Alex and turned off the water and then she glanced back at Alex, catching her bright blue eyes behind her rectangular glasses. Olivia saw a touch of apprehension in her eyes. She lowered her eyes, set her hands upon Alex's hips, and dropped her lips down to her neck, kissing it. Alex gasped lightly at Olivia's impulsive and intoxicating move and immediately dropped the sponge into the sink before pushing her wet fingers back into Olivia's short hair and holding her at her neck. She reached her other hand to her own waist and pulled Olivia's hand around her stomach, dropping her head back and moaning as she felt Olivia's tongue move liberally upon her neck and her curves pressing upon her back as Olivia embraced her wholly.

Alex turned around to face her and Olivia took Alex's face in both of her hands and kissed her. Alex closed her eyes and quickly relaxed onto Olivia's mouth, reaching to hold Olivia's wrists, and returning her kiss tenfold. Olivia stepped forward again to push Alex against the sink, but she tripped over her high heeled boots as she did so. Alex caught her, seizing control, and pushed Olivia back onto the granite countertop opposite the sink, touching Olivia's soft face, sealing her lips around hers, and pressing her smaller frame against Olivia's alluring curves.

Alex opened her mouth to kiss her again and Olivia pushed her tongue through the wet opening and licked and sucked at the inside of Alex's mouth. Alex moaned at Olivia's unbridled zeal for her, and ran her long fingers through the detective's short hair, but felt Olivia move her mouth away from her own, tracing an invisible line down Alex's neck with her tongue, stopping at the skin between her jaw and earlobe. Olivia held Alex at her back, allowing one hand to ride up Alex's neck, kneading the tendons as she lapped and nipped at the tender skin of her neck. She felt Alex's body collapse into the hand that held her back and she moved the other hand back down in order to help support Alex against herself.

Alex turned her head to the side to allow Olivia to kiss her throat, chest and neck as she held onto the brunette's head and hips as close as humanly possible. She watched every detail of Olivia kissing her in the nearby mirror that hung in the living room beside them, seeing and feeling every touch as Olivia slowly canvassed her way across Alex's alabaster skin. Alex moaned at the vision of such a beautiful woman touching her; becoming warm and wet at the sight of Olivia's long, dark lashes falling over her heavy eyes, and her full lips placing delicate and adoring kisses upon her skin.

Olivia carefully removed Alex's glasses to set them on the counter behind her and found Alex's lips again. Alex graciously accepted them against her own lips, lightly pinching and sucking at Olivia's lower lip before moving her own mouth down Olivia's neck. Alex slowly moved her hand down from Olivia's neck and curved it around Olivia's waist, gripping the skin under her knit shirt and pulling herself against Olivia, wanting a fuller contact with her.

"God, you are beautiful, Olivia." Alex whispered, admiring the woman and her subtle reactions to her sensitive caresses. Olivia let out a slight chuckle, disbelieving Alex's observation. Alex heard the doubt in the laugh and looked up at Olivia, cradling her jaw in the palm of her hand. "How can you not know that, Liv?" Alex said, kissing her tenderly. "Just look at yourself." She said, turning Olivia's face to the round mirror on the living room wall. "You're gorgeous."

Olivia heard Alex's words and felt the sincerity cut through her soul as she gazed into her own dark eyes in the mirror, but felt them grow heavy as Alex moved her lips to her neck. Alex wrapped one arm around Olivia's waist, arching her back so that their hips were pinned together, and gradually moving her other hand up Olivia's shirt in order to cup her breast, massaging the supple flesh. Olivia's breath deepened and she moaned quietly at Alex's gentle fingers on her breast and her tongue dancing upon her neck. When she looked into the mirror again, she caught her breath and became weak at the sight of Alex's body pressing against her, her hips slowly gyrating against her own, her porcelain hands massaging her curves, and her wonderful lips kissing the skin on her neck. Olivia could have reveled in watching Alex work her in the mirror for hours, but the vision intensified the detective's fire that burned away within her and she felt compelled to follow her instincts.

She lifted Alex's face, capturing her beautiful eyes for a moment before kissing her, not releasing her lips or opening her mouth, but just holding her there, wanting the kiss to weld them together. She straightened her back and took a step forward, moving away from the kitchen, and pushing Alex backwards towards her dimly lit living room. The only light in the apartment was coming from the kitchen behind her, a small end table lamp with a red shade, and the city lights that illuminated the night through her lightly shaded living room windows.

Alex broke away from the kiss, but kept in line with Olivia's feet, moving backwards, and holding the detective at the neck and hips, urging her forward. No words escaped their mouths; their eyes and bodies communicated anything and everything that needed to be said as they remained fastened onto the other at the hip. Soon enough, Alex felt the arm of the couch at the back of her legs. She rose to her toes in order to reach Olivia's lips and kissed her again, tugging her hips forward and against her, as Olivia pushed her back against the arm of the couch, sighing from the spark between her legs.

Olivia's hands met at the base of Alex's shirt and she tugged her conservative, collared blouse out from the waist of the ivory skirt. She moved her hand up to just below the collar and slowly unbuttoned one button at a time as she kissed the attorney and listened to her moan into her mouth. She dropped the shirt off of Alex's shoulders and moved her hands to the zipper on the side of her skirt to remove the skirt as well. Simultaneously, Alex's hands unhinged Olivia's belt and she quickly unbuttoned her pants. Olivia kicked out of her shoes and socks, but stopped suddenly, thinking twice about what was about to happen between the two of them. "Alex…" she whispered, but without stepping away.

Alex looked up at Olivia, confused as to why she had stopped touching her. "What?" She panted. "Why did you stop, Olivia? What's wrong?" She asked, exasperated and reaching for Olivia's hands to continue.

"Nothing's wrong." She confirmed. She combed her fingers through Alex's golden hair, looking into her eyes. "I just want you to be sure that this is what you want."

"Isn't it obvious, Liv?" Alex whispered, tenderly kissing Olivia's jaw before pulling the woman's shirt over her head and tossing it by the wayside. She moved around the arm of the couch, taking Olivia with her by the hand. She kissed the center of her palm as she sat in the middle of the couch, pulling Olivia towards her. "You have no idea how badly I want this or how long I have waited for it." She leaned forward and kissed Olivia's stomach, teasing her belly with long strokes of her tongue as she dipped her fingers under the seams of her pants to pull them down for her to step out. "I want to touch every inch of you," she said breathlessly, laying the woman wearing only black lingerie down onto the couch, "and feel your body beneath mine." Alex straddled over Olivia's hips, removed her bra, and bent down to kiss the detective again, her hair falling onto Olivia's face as she removed her panties.

Laying atop Olivia, Alex slowly reached her hands behind Olivia's back, taking hold of the clasp and unsnapping it before taking the straps down over Olivia's shoulders and dropping the garment to the floor. She sighed at the sight of the unbelievable beauty of the woman she sat above before re-closing her eyes and kissing her again, her hands finding their way to Olivia's breasts, caressing her gently and smiling at the sound of Olivia's moans from her touch. Olivia found herself touching Alex's bare skin and holding her below the waist and rocking her hips against Alex.

While kissing Olivia, Alex balanced on her knees for a short moment as Olivia pushed her own panties down her legs, tossing them aside. Alex sat back onto Olivia's hips, straddling one leg between Olivia's thighs, leaning over her and kissing her with a slow, meticulous passion. Their flesh was soft and inviting to one another, their sex pinned and rubbing as their mouths and tongues rejoined, fusing each other as one.

Alex took one of Olivia's hands from her breast and sat up to kiss each fingertip gingerly, pulling the center finger into her mouth, deep and beyond her teeth, closing her eyes at the taste of Olivia's flesh in her mouth. Olivia kept her eyes focused and in awe of the seductress that sat atop her as Alex moved Olivia's wet fingertips between her legs unhurriedly while keeping her blue eyes locked on the detective that lay below her. Alex leaned over and took hold of Olivia's neck with her other hand and kissed the woman again before whispering into her ear, "I want to know what it feels like to have you inside of me, Olivia." She licked Olivia's earlobe as she waited for her fingers to touch her as she settled her hips down upon them.

Olivia pressed her fingers gently between the wet folds, biting down on her lower lip to hold back her moans as she lavishly touched Alex intimately. Alex's chin fell forward and her back rounded at the unbelievable reaction running through her body. She kept one hand around Olivia's neck and the other on the back of the couch to keep herself balanced as she rocked her hips back and forth over Olivia's fingers and thigh.

Olivia arched her back forward and lifted the leg which Alex straddled to tip her over. Alex fell onto Olivia's mouth and Olivia kissed her, drawing out low and heavy moans from Alex as she reveled in Olivia's fingers upon her. Olivia moved her mouth lower curving her back forward to reach Alex's breast, kissing it affectionately at first before consuming it with her entire mouth, biting and circling her tongue at her nipple which resulted in short and breathtaking spasms from Alex, who struggled to maintain her balance above Olivia.

Olivia laid back against the couch again when Alex started panting heavier and throbbing harder against the fingers beneath her. Olivia kept the circular strokes at Alex's sex at a steady, but accelerating pace, wanting nothing more than to please her and watch her gratification unfold. "Oh God, Olivia…" Alex could barely get her name out as she gazed downward upon her treasured friend with impassioned eyes, her blonde hair falling in her face unabashedly. She gazed into the beautiful brown eyes looking up at her, but was unable to keep her eyes open for long as the thrill and ecstasy was overcoming her.

She ground her hips down against Olivia's hand and Olivia dipped her fingers into Alex which brought about a euphoric moan from the depths of Alex's throat. She breathed and moaned heavier as Olivia's fingers quickened inside of her, pushing into her deeper and faster until Alex gripped onto Olivia's neck. She fell forward onto Olivia, crying out into her ear in such a rapture that Olivia felt herself shudder against Alex. Olivia curled her fingers inside of Alex, and she felt Alex's nails dig into her shoulders, her voice cracking with every blissful whine as she recoiled on Olivia's hand again and again until every muscle in her body collapsed. She draped her arms around Olivia, and kissed her shoulders and neck as she searched for her lips. Olivia turned to her and Alex sealed her pink lips around Olivia's then drifted to her side, holding the woman close.

Alex stared at the wall with a satisfied grin and tried to catch her breath. "Mmmm, Olivia." She sighed heavily and looked over to the brunette that lay propped up on her elbow beside her with a proud smirk across her face. "That was everything that I thought it would be…and more." Alex sighed, smiling and closing her eyes before giving Olivia a long and appreciative kiss.

Alex's mind drifted far away and when she opened her eyes, Olivia was looking down at her, softly combing her fingers through her blonde hair. She watched as a slow smile came across Olivia's face. Olivia was at a loss for words, the woman that lay beside her was so beautiful, ambitious, and passionate. She was everything that she could have ever dreamed of. She ran her fingers through her blonde hair and started to rise from the couch, but felt Alex grab her at the waist and tug her back down.

"Where do you think you're going?" Alex said with a playful laugh, kissing her. She sat up and wrapped Olivia's legs around herself, raising one of them over hers so that they would be facing one another in the center of the couch.

Olivia looked down at their intertwined position and then looked up at Alex. "No where apparently." Olivia said, reaching her arms behind Alex to embrace and kiss her.

"That's what I thought." Alex smirked and leaned over to take Olivia's face in her hands, kissing her. She opened her mouth and allowed Olivia's tongue to intrude as she moved her hand down to touch Olivia's breast. She tenderly massaged the flesh with the palm of her hand before fingering every detail, pushing her tongue through Olivia's mouth as she felt the officer's belly breathe deeper until breath turned into sighs and sighs turned into moans.

Holding Olivia at her back, Alex moved her other hand down to Olivia's stomach before turning the hand upside down and pushing her fingers down between Olivia's thighs. Olivia loved how Alex touched her so gently. Her hands were so delicate, and her luxurious fingers sent chills up her spine and rhythmic pulses at her center with ever teasing movement. Alex's eyes glimmered into Olivia's that darkened when she felt how wet and anticipating Olivia was for her and she gently pushed her fingers inside of her friend, knowing that the woman had been ready for her long ago. Alex tossed her hair out of her face and over her shoulder before closing her eyes and pressing her lips onto Olivia's as she gingerly pushed her fingers in and out of the detective in the small space that was between them on the couch.

When Olivia opened her mouth to moan, Alex's tongue entered into her mouth, pulling her tongue into her own mouth to suck and tease it, which elicited more moans of pleasure coming from all directions within Olivia. Olivia broke the kiss and sat upright in front of Alex, her honey brown eyes burning through Alex's blue as she ground her hips against Alex's hand as her fingers fucked her mercilessly. "Damn, Alex." Olivia mumbled, in total bliss at the fact that this was not a dream; that Alex was actually inside of her, making love to her. Olivia's hand reached behind Alex to hold her back as her eyes drifted up into her eyelids. Alex's fingers quickened and Olivia bucked her hips back against the woman's long and delicate fingers.

Alex leaned forward again, kissing Olivia until Olivia became weak and fell back onto the arm of the couch, running her hand through her own short locks, and tugging at her own neck, anticipating release. Olivia bit her lip as she felt Alex's fingers rousing the fire within her until it bundled up at her core and started to swirl her insides as Alex churned her fingers inside of her, making love to her and extracting cries from Olivia's lips and hot tears from her eyes. "Alex…" She cried out and moaned, feeling the space of her center widen and open around Alex's fingers before closing repeatedly until the tremors of orgasm defeated her.

In the afterglow, Alex lay across Olivia, reaching for her face and drawing it into a loving kiss. Olivia returned the affection, holding Alex's delicate frame against her own, caringly smoothing the pale and flawless skin of her back with her fingertips before shifting over so that Alex could lay with her on the couch with their legs intertwined. Alex lightly touched her fingers upon Olivia's shoulder before moving them down her arm and reaching for Olivia's hand. She fingered gently at the open palm before interlacing her fingers with Olivia's, kissing her cheek and smiling to herself with the absolute harmony she felt with Olivia.

They lay together as the minutes passed, neither saying a word or moving too suddenly. The only sounds were of their settling breaths and the familiar sounds of New York traffic and bickering neighbors seemingly miles away. Eventually, Alex brought her and Olivia's hands up to her mouth and kissed the back of Olivia's fingers before looking over to capture her eyes. "Can I stay with you tonight?" She asked.

Olivia nodded, letting out a deep sigh. There was nothing she wanted more than to wake up in the morning beside Alex.

"Are you sure?" Alex double checked.

Olivia smiled, understanding why Alex asked twice, but still not wanting her to leave. She nodded, rising from the couch. "Come on, beautiful." She said, tugging on Alex's hand to take her to bed.

*****

Ch. 44

Olivia's alarm went off shockingly early the next morning and the abrasive noise startled Alex from a deep and sound slumber. She felt Olivia shift in the sheets, groaning to herself before subconsciously smacking the clock quiet again and returning to sleep within mere seconds. A few minutes later, the alarm went off again and Olivia repeated her previous actions and turned off the alarm again. Alex turned over in the bed to face Olivia, who was facing away from her. She's so beautiful, Alex thought, examining the curl of her spine as it traveled down her back before disappearing into the burgundy sheets. How did I get so lucky? Alex wanted to drape her arm over Olivia's waist, pull her close, and kiss her shoulder good morning, but she couldn't read Olivia's thoughts with her facing away from her so instead of following through with her instincts, she lay quietly on her side for Olivia to wake up on her own terms.

As she waited for the brunette to awaken, her mind raced with conflicting messages about what her relationship with Olivia was becoming. The passion between them last night had been so intense and it was unlike anything Alex had ever experienced before in her life. She was nervous about what was to transpire that morning in her apartment, and she was even more worrisome about seeing the detective at work later in the afternoon. Olivia was to appear in court for Alex today. She knew she could keep up her end of their bargain while still maintaining their intimacy behind closed doors, but she hoped that Olivia could do the same by understanding that work and their relationship were to be kept strictly separate.

Additionally, Olivia had already been in a relationship with a woman before, whereas Alex really had not. Even though Anya had been unfaithful to Olivia, she was never ashamed of their relationship and Alex could only hope that faithfulness meant more to Olivia than openness. She told herself that their relationship needed to be hushed due to their jobs and it was, but she didn't want Olivia to accuse her of being a closet case, even though she was, but that wasn't what their secret was all about. Or maybe it is? She disregarded that thought, going full circle in her mind, knowing the real reason for the secrecy was their positions at work and the intimate nature of their jobs. She would not let personal relationships jeopardize her career goals, even with someone as wonderful as Olivia.

Between the latter few buzzing of the alarm, Olivia lay awake in bed, facing away from Alex, concerned about how they would keep their relations a secret from everyone that they worked with. Her job was among specialized detectives and whether she liked it or not, they knew everything about her. She was fretful about Elliot. She knew he would eventually figure out that something was going on between her and Alex. Even if Alex woke up this morning full of buyer's remorse, which Olivia hoped to God that she didn't, she knew that Elliot would somehow know that something had happened. It was only a matter of time and when the time came, she was worried about how Alex would react. Not more than one day into their secret, and Olivia couldn't stop the negativity and what-ifs from berating her mind in the waking dawn. Maybe after last night, Alex wouldn't want to keep it a secret after all. She could only hope, but realistically, she knew that the promise of silence was going to still be expected of her.

To counteract her pessimism, she focused on the things that she did know. What she knew was that she was sharing her wonderfully comfortable bed with the most beautiful woman she had ever known. She also knew that Alex had consciously made love to her the night before and couldn't claim that she was drunk or emotionally unstable in order to dismiss the night's events. And then she remembered how Alex had told her that she was beautiful – gorgeous even, which warmed her heart all over again.

When she felt Alex shift in the bed beside her, she decided to turn around to face her fears head on, hoping that nothing had changed between them from the night before. Nothing had changed in her mind and she hoped that Alex would still feel the same for her as well in the morning after. Alex looked back at her with those sharp blue eyes of hers and smiled, which quieted Olivia's paranoid mind. Even in the early morning, with her hair tangled in all directions and without a stitch of make up, Alex was a classically beautiful woman.

Olivia bid her a good morning and ran her fingers though Alex's blonde hair, touching her neck tenderly and gave Alex a kiss. Alex shifted over to Olivia and draped her arm over Olivia's chest, pulling her close and laying her head upon her shoulder in an effort to tell her that nothing had changed from the previous evening without using words. She was relieved that Olivia seemed content and relaxed by her gesture and when she wrapped her arm around her back, it confirmed for her that Olivia was not regretful either.

Alex tried to peek over Olivia to look at the clock. When she couldn't see the time, she asked Olivia what time it was.

"It's 5:30." Olivia said.

"God that's early, Liv. The sun's not even up!" Alex complained, burying her face into Olivia's neck.

Olivia laughed and shifted underneath Alex to get up. She found her tattered but comfortable old robe on the floor and put it on. "Well, I figured you'd have to head all way uptown to get a change of clothes so I set it pretty early."

Alex groaned, "I guess you're right." Alex rolled over onto her stomach, and watched Olivia pull the robe around herself, but not tying the belt. "God, you are sexy, Olivia."

Olivia smiled back at Alex, still amazed that someone as attractive as Alex found her to be equally attractive. "You think so?" Olivia asked, giving Alex a kiss on the forehead.

"I know so." Alex sat up in bed, pulling a sheet over herself, and dangling her legs over the side, looking up at Olivia. She grabbed the end of Olivia's robe and tugged her back towards the bed. Olivia embraced her as Alex wrapped her legs around her torso and rested her head on Olivia's chest.

Olivia ran her fingers through Alex's hair, smoothing it down a little. "Don't think I'm trying to kick you out or anything, but you really should get going if you want to get to work on time."

Alex mumbled something under her breath, knowing Olivia was right. She was not looking forward to going all the way home on the upper east side before turning around and heading all the way back downtown to get to work all because she didn't have an extra pair of clothes to wear.

"You should be more prepared next time you spend the night at my apartment, Alex." Olivia suggested.

"Next time?" Alex asked, raising her eyebrows, curious when she'd get to see Olivia again.

Olivia snickered, stepping away from between Alex's legs. "Yes. Did you think I only wanted to see you once?"

"I was hoping you wouldn't." Alex said, running her fingers beneath Olivia's robe and kissing her belly.

Olivia dropped down to her ankles in front of Alex on the bed, and covered herself with her robe. "How is this going to work, Alex?"

Alex smiled, and ran her fingers through Olivia's short hair. "We just have to maintain a certain amount of distance at work, Liv. In a way, we have to pretend as if nothing happened as to not raise suspicion. But don't allow yourself to think that I believe that nothing happened. I loved every second of what we shared last night, Liv, and I look forward to seeing you again. But at work, we have to be at least a little indifferent to one another. I don't want you to take sides with me when you feel that Elliot is right if a discrepancy arises just because we're dating. My feelings will not be hurt. I want you to do your job and allow me to do mine. We'll have to learn how to separate our feelings at work from our feelings…" she almost said 'at home' but searched for a better phrase, "outside of work. It will be hard, but I know we can do it. You mean too much to me for it to not work."

"If you say so." Olivia sighed, doubtful and taking Alex's hand and kissing the palm. "But Elliot's going to figure it out. I know he is."

"No, he won't, Olivia." Alex protested. "I understand the pressure that you're under, but you said yourself a few weeks ago that he didn't know every detail about your life. This has to be one of those details you keep from him."

"This is more than a little detail, Alex." Olivia said with a bitter smirk, rising from her haunches and stepping away.

Alex grabbed Olivia's hand, stopping her. "Hey." Olivia wouldn't look back at her. "Liv." Alex said to get her attention, gently touching her hand and arm to get her to turn around. When Olivia did, she continued. "I know that this is more than just a detail." Alex rose from the bed and stood behind Olivia, wrapping her arms around her waist and kissing the back of her smooth shoulder under her robe. "You can always just give me a different name if that would make it easier for you when Elliot starts asking questions."

This was getting all too complicated for Olivia, but she wanted a relationship with Alex more than ever and she was willing to do anything to be with her. She knew Alex didn't want their relationship to be behind closed doors because she was ashamed of Olivia. She was asking this of her because the very nature of their jobs was going to require it of them. She thought about giving Alex a fake name and wondered if it would make any difference. She supposed that it wouldn't hurt; that when the questions started coming at her from Elliot, she could at least be prepared with a name. He already knew someone was interested in her with the flowers Alex's had sent to her yesterday.

As Olivia washed up in the bathroom, thinking about everything under the sun, Alex dressed quickly, knowing she had very little time to get home before heading back downtown in order to be in the office by nine. She would definitely be bringing a change of clothes with her next time.

Olivia gave Alex a kiss goodbye at the door, and Olivia held onto her fingers as long as possible before Alex slipped away and out into the hallway to go home. Olivia stood in her doorway, still wearing the grey robe and leaning her head against the doorframe.

"When will I see you again?" Alex asked, turning around before getting to the elevator.

Olivia shrugged with a smile. "Today at trial, I would imagine." Olivia joked, knowing she had to testify for Alex that afternoon.

"You know what I mean, Liv." Alex said, shifting her weight and crossing her arms with a smile. She lit up the down button of the elevator.

"Well, is Friday," Olivia answered. "Unless the shit hits the fan at work, I don't see why we couldn't go out tonight if you wanted."

"I'd like that." Alex smiled, stepping back to Olivia and giving her another kiss. The elevator doors opened and Alex went in.

"I'll call and let you know." She nodded to Alex as the doors closed in front of her, taking her back to the reality that awaited her outside.

Olivia closed her apartment door and walked to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready for the day. She desperately wanted their relationship to work, and she wanted the two of them to be able to work around each other as professionals. She wanted them to have their cake and eat it too, as it were. Before she stepped into the shower, she looked out her bedroom window, pleased that spring was on its way. With the rebirth of New York City after such a cold and unforgiving winter, Olivia was optimistic that she too could be reborn.

She wanted to take it slow with Alex to some degree, but she recognized the fact that she already had racing feelings for her. She hoped Alex would soon feel the same for her. She felt confident that she could leave Anya and their past behind and focus on building a relationship with Alex without disrupting the dedication that she had for her job. It would be a challenge, but it was one that Olivia was up for and would face head on. She would not deny herself from being happy for the rest of her life, and she felt there was a good possibility of achieving true happiness with Alexandra Cabot. She would not let Alex slip through her fingers and she would do whatever it took to ensure that from not happening.

The End

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